tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28178516531139152252024-03-18T20:18:20.150-07:00Ashley's AtriumQueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-29263749545566962552014-02-02T17:29:00.001-08:002014-02-02T17:29:04.194-08:00Keep Calm and Carry On<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keep_Calm_and_Carry_On" target="_blank">Keep Calm and Carry On</a>", we've all heard it, and it's become one of my favorite mantra's, as it was. So when I saw a book labeled "<a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/home-gift-keep-calm-and-carry-on-little-gift-book/22645082?ean=9780740793400" target="_blank">Keep Calm and Carry On</a>", by <a href="http://www.andrewsmcmeel.com/" target="_blank">Andrews McMeel Publishing</a>, I had to have it. On the back of the book it says "Good Advice for Hard Times". I also picked up copies of the sequels to the book, "<a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/home-gift-screw-calm-and-get-angry/22645083?ean=9780740799525" target="_blank">Screw Calm and Get Angry: Resigned Advice for Hard Times</a>", and "<a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/home-gift-now-panic-freak-out-little-gift-book/24907334?ean=9781449418427" target="_blank">Now Panic and Freak Out: Bad Advice For Good People</a>". </div>
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I've always loved the story of where "Keep Calm and Carry On" came from, ever since my mom gave me a copy of the poster, and told me the story; and realize that most people don't know the story. So here's the introduction to the first book, "Keep Calm and Carry On": "Keep Calm and Carry On. The British have never been terribly good at the more touchy-feely aspects of self-help and inspiration-the kind peddled so effectively in the United States for decades and now beloved in the rest of the modern world. When the British have been stuck in a spot of bother in the past, such as the odd world war, they have tended to resort to more formal and restrained modes of address- "pull yourself together," "stiff upper lip and all that, old man." This is the very world that spawned Keep Calm and Carry On</div>
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It was one of three posters produced by the British government's Ministry of Information on the eve of war in 1939. The other two were "Freedom Is in Peril" and "Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution Will Bring Us Victory." Simple reassuring instructions, each topped with the commanding seal of King George VI's crown. Two and a half million copies of the "Keep Calm and Carry On" sheets were printed, but they would be distributed only in the imminent threat of German invasion. Thankfully they never saw the light of day and were almost all pulped. So that might have been that, if one of the few remaining posters hadn't been discovered in a dusty box of old books bought at auction by British bookseller Stuart Manley.</div>
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Though they didn't initially know what the poster was, Mr. Manley and his wife liked it so much they framed it and hung it in their bookshop. They weren't the only ones who found it's stark, simple reassurance engaging. In fact, they had so many inquiries about it from customers that in the end they decided to have some copies printed. It seemed that in the seventy years since it's first appeared, its very British soothing strength hadn't lost any of of its appeal. The bookshop has gone on to sell tens of thousands of the poster, not to mention mugs, T-shirts, and tea towels, with customers including everyone from Top Gear presenters to Buckingham palace and Downing Street. Its message, it seemed, was just as effective a tonic for those laboring under modern anxieties as for those who endured the Blitz. But it wasn't until the uncharted waters of the economic downturn began to rise that the mantra really came into its own. Since the autumn of 2008 it has quite literally become the pin-up of our current predicament, with even the BBC posing the question: Is this the greatest motivational poster ever?</div>
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So what yhou hold in your hand is the book of the poster-a modest attempt at inspiration for hard times, a restorative mixture of advice, entertainment, and inspiration to help you through. In an age not just of recession but also of information overload, you need a source of wisdwm that doesn't hang about of mince its words, so these quotes have been chosen not only for their ability to echo the universal good sense of the original poster but also to echo the virtue of its brevity. Drawing on over two millenia of common sense from home and abroad, from Cicero to Churchhill, Keep Calm and Carry On attempts to put its finger on the mess we are in and, moving forward from that sory mess, what can make life truly worthwhile.</div>
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Enjoy-and pass on the good cheer." </div>
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So I'm going to do just that. If I read a particular quip or quote I like, then I'll go ahead and share it. Hopefully it will be an enlightening and inspiring thing to do. We shall see! </div>
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The first quote, at the beginning of the book, before the inspiration, it says, "Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it." - Benjamin Franklin</div>
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With thanks to Barter Books, Home of the original WWII poster <a href="http://www.barterbooks.co.uk/">www.barterbooks.co.uk</a></div>
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QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-58309725738156665812014-01-02T17:51:00.001-08:002014-01-02T17:51:06.067-08:00Simple Abundance - Happy New Year 2014Day 1, January 1st 2014:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijhmdMYFO471DwzOcDcxmeJfN2qIXM7b6oUs7TlZU_hE34F-gKcUyRO9PEAK81ywJc8-jq98-UI6V3MRdq1S6WbLVZvi7XD-w8OYKFSvq7wDdX4vMFv1ksSSzmzaYVTJL1D9MSp_56qJo/s1600/Simple+Abundance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijhmdMYFO471DwzOcDcxmeJfN2qIXM7b6oUs7TlZU_hE34F-gKcUyRO9PEAK81ywJc8-jq98-UI6V3MRdq1S6WbLVZvi7XD-w8OYKFSvq7wDdX4vMFv1ksSSzmzaYVTJL1D9MSp_56qJo/s320/Simple+Abundance.jpg" width="192" /></a>I'm finally reading a book that I was given years ago. A book that I've started many times, but never finished. This year, I'm determined to finish it. This is a book that I love, that has given me, and many of my friends much inspiration. A book that I have given copies of to many others. A book I NEED right now, above all else. This book is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Abundance-Daybook-Comfort-Joy/dp/0446563595" target="_blank">"Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy" by Sarah Ban Breathnach</a> (See also: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Simple-Abundance-A-Daybook-of-Comfort-and-Joy-by-Sarah-Ban-Breathnach/231289653623600">https://www.facebook.com/pages/Simple-Abundance-A-Daybook-of-Comfort-and-Joy-by-Sarah-Ban-Breathnach/231289653623600</a>)<br />
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Day 1 - A Transformative Year of Delight and Discovery. <br />
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For day one the book instructs me to me to, "carve out a quiet interlude for yourself in which to dream, pen in hand." It also says, "But this year, instead of resolutions, write down your most private aspirations. Those longings you have kept tucked away until the time seems right. Trust that now is the time. Ask the questions. The Simple Abundance path brings confidence that the answers will come and we will discover - day by day - how to live them." <br />
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A friend, Kevin, from my old singles ward up in Farmington also posted this inspirational little tidbit on Facebook today: "Day 1 was fun! Very meaningful and productive! Hey what're some of your new years resolutions? What'd you resolve to change in your own life this year? What are you making different? How will your life contribute more this year? What are commitments you made about this year and where did you draw the line? Tell me tell me tell me! I want inspiration! I need your examples in my life friends!"<br />
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So I've been pondering a lot today, thinking a lot about the past, especially the recent past. I've also been thinking about the future. I've finally pulled myself enough out of this hole that I can actually see a future for myself. So what do I see? What do I want to see? What do I want to happen in my future? Here's what I want, what I will strive to do over the next year, in no particular order.<br />
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I want to live life. I've been doing this more than I have in the past, but I want to live my OWN life, not live it for others anymore. I think this has been a great disservice to both myself, and to those who I've been "living" for, because I haven't truly been living. I've just been depending on other people for, well, everything. And in return I've been giving everything, and in the end, that leaves me with nothing. I want to stop this vicious cycle, and start truly living, and living for myself.<br />
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So that leaves me to question, what do I need to do to actually start living my own life? That's when I start to think about my priorities. My family has always been my first priority to me, which I think is as it should be. The problem is, we've become too enmeshed in ways, and too distant in others. So what do I need to do to change that? <br />
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First, I need to stop depending so much on my family. I've been doing well with that in some areas, such as mentally and psychologically, I haven't been depending on them for my psychological health as I have in the past. I want to repair the relationships I have with my family members, which I think I have been doing, but need to do more of. So first I would like to contribute more to my family. Some of you know my situation, while some don't. I'm currently living with my parents, and have been for, well, way too long. This has been out of necessity, as with my back problems, I haven't been able to work, and because of that I haven't had an income, and therefore haven't been able to support myself. Because of this, my parents have graciously accepted me back into their home, and support me in every way possible. I think I've become too comfortable in this situation, and need to change it. I need to contribute more to hearth and home, as it were. To do this I think first I need to first finish my application for Social Security Disability. I think I've been putting this off mentally because it scares me. It feels like the hangman's noose hanging around my neck, and that if I do get accepted for Social Security Disability, that's it, I'm done, I'm no longer part of a contributing society, I no longer support myself, etc. I need to stop thinking that way. I need to remember that I contributed a lot to Social Security when I was working, and that's why the program is there in the first place. Second, I need to stop thinking of it as a permanent solution, or permanent situation. I may have to be on it for a while, but that doesn't mean forever. I can still follow my other dreams and aspirations, that will hopefully lead to a self-sufficient and independant life. So goal number one is to complete my application for, and then file for, Social Security Disability. <br />
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While I'm doing this, that will bring me to my second goal. I want to pursue my other goals and dreams, which are to become self-sufficient by selling my artwork, my crafts, crafts supplies, vintage items, and the jewelry I make via online websites and such. First I need to get a new camera, so that I can take pictures of my wares for sale. So I need to save what little money I have, and set aside some of it for a new camera. My dad also said that he wanted to buy me one for Christmas, one like my brother's, so I think with that money, and the money I set aside, I can get a decent camera. <br />
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That same goal must include my continuing to work on my various artwork and crafts. I need to spend more time finishing projects, and doing research to find out things like where to get prints of my artwork made so I can sell them. I also need to open more <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheQueensQuill" target="_blank">Etsy</a> shops, shops on <a href="http://www.artfire.com/" target="_blank">Artfire</a>, and work on opening my own website and portfolio. <br />
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That leads me to my third goal, which is to increase my knowledge, and participation in the art community, and to continue to perfect my skills in artistry, crafting, jewelry making, etc. To do this I'm going to participate in local events (I've already signed up to, and committed to do the Magic on the Sidewalk festival - a local sidewalk chalk art festival. I'm really looking forward to that!). I also want to continue to study and practice my skills, and learn more techniques, methods, etc. So that's my third goal.<br />
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Fourth, as I talked about earlier, I need to live life for myself, and not for others. I recently got out of a fast and furious serious relationship, and I don't want to make the same mistakes in future relationships that I did in that one. I think this means evaluating what I want, and only dating people that fit what I want in my life. That means dating people that not only have things in common with me, but have the same goals and values. I think that's one of the biggest things that was missing from my last relationship. Yes, we had a lot in common, but we weren't on the same page as far as life goes. So I'm looking for someone that's looking for the same things that I am. That includes someone who has goals and aspirations, someone that is successful in whatever they do, someone that is in it because they're looking for a permanant relationship including marriage and family, someone who not only believes in, but loves God. Someone that respects themselves, and respects women. Someone that actually WANTS to be with me! In my last relationship it felt like I was always having to force him to be with me, or to even want to be with me...that's not right. He should naturally just want to be with me, and like doing so. A good friend of mine recently said to me, "Anyone that would leave you is a fool." That's what I want, someone who wants to be with me so much that they couldn't imagine leaving me, or not having me in their life. I want to feel that way too. So my fourth goal is to have successful and meaningful relationships with others, whether that be a romantic relationship, relationships with friends, or familial relationships. I want to live my life for myself, and I want to be around people that have good, positive qualities; not the toxic people I've been around for so long. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiW4ZQsc-voYM3JRIzW7Vrb4dspxIJ5yAWzFyNg9TC923WqDo0dEqt4aXfNFmsl8Iedndfi-bdGIY8Kpw-nUVg2YHouJh42dLxz0SM2NqrRNPbeuq_d7LK7Ab93AOviGWc_wphje7zS1A/s1600/hands-releasing-dove-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiW4ZQsc-voYM3JRIzW7Vrb4dspxIJ5yAWzFyNg9TC923WqDo0dEqt4aXfNFmsl8Iedndfi-bdGIY8Kpw-nUVg2YHouJh42dLxz0SM2NqrRNPbeuq_d7LK7Ab93AOviGWc_wphje7zS1A/s320/hands-releasing-dove-3.jpg" width="320" /></a>Fifth, I want to get over my last relationship, and learn from it. I don't know if I'll ever get the closure I want, but I pray that I'll get the closure I need. I think I'm getting there, and having a good support system has been the biggest help I've had in getting as far as I have, as fast as I have. I also want to learn from the good and the bad things that occured during my last relationship. But most of all, I just want to move on with my life, and get over all the hurt and the pain that came with my last relationship, especially when it ended. I want to let go.<br />
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Sixth, I want to better myself as a person. This includes a lot of personal things that I'm going to have to go through, and a lot of things that I need to fix. I want to continue on the good paths that I'm on, and end the bad ones. <br />
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Seventh, I want to renew, and strengthen my bond with my Heavenly Father. I think my last relationship had a lot to do with me falling away from the Church, and I want to get back what I lost when that happened. This is going to take a lot of work on my part, but I know I can do it, because I've been through so much worse, and come out the other side a better, stronger person because of it. So in living my life, and in all aspects of it, I want my Heavenly Father, and the Gospel of Jesus Christ to be a part of it, and to be my guide in living.<br />
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Eighth, I want to continue to become healthier physically. In the past year or so, I've lost the nearly 100 pounds I gained back over the past few years, and I want to continue this trend of being healthier, being more active, getting out more, losing weight, eating better, etc. I'm on the right path so far, and want to continue, and increase my momentum in increasing my health physically.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHWoUZUG2NiUIOeC5JeSdbKyFlWVLXVG15yet8w_9X79Ew-88Tq8dVg2LS8jXNKUW4xY7MSxr7FfheGnRq7yTe75MR19frKU0Al1v-5ulqfP60uuOoixug35kISYEY8m74-dYrE3Ows5Q/s1600/Jesus-Christ-Lamb-Mormon1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHWoUZUG2NiUIOeC5JeSdbKyFlWVLXVG15yet8w_9X79Ew-88Tq8dVg2LS8jXNKUW4xY7MSxr7FfheGnRq7yTe75MR19frKU0Al1v-5ulqfP60uuOoixug35kISYEY8m74-dYrE3Ows5Q/s320/Jesus-Christ-Lamb-Mormon1.jpg" width="240" /></a>Ninth, I want to become healthier mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I've let a lot of negativity affect my life over the past several months, and though I've mostly gotten away from the main source of that, I want to cut it off completely. I want to get back to my roots, to who I really am, and be true to myself and my beliefs and values. I lost sight of that, but thankfully my spirit was strong, as was my testimony, and I didn't lose myself completely. So I want to find myself again, and this time I want to keep myself, and not lose myself in another person, or in a relationship. I'm definitely going to go back and get more professional counseling to help me in achieving this goal, because I know I need the help and expertise of others, and can't do this alone. I'll also turn to my great support system, as well as my Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ to help obtain these goals. <br />
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Tenth, I want to find myself again. As I said, I want to remain true to myself, but first I have to get back to myself (if that makes sense). Again, my biggest goal this year is to find myself again, live my life for myself, build happy and healthy relationships, and follow my goals, hopes, dreams, and prayers. I know that if I stay true to myself, I'll be much happier, and that will make those around me all the happier as well. <br />
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Well that's it in a nut shell, as it were. That's by no means the end of my long list of goals, hopes, dreams, and prayers for this new year, but it's a basic outline. I think it's a good starting point, and well, I can only go up from here! Sometimes we have to reach the very bottom before we can rebound back up to the top, and I'm in the process of doing just that. So here's to looking up, going up, moving on, and moving forward! Happy 2014, everyone, may it be a blessed and truly happy year for us all! <br />
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Kindest Regards,<br />
Ashley MerrillQueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-78142603294940377882013-12-28T22:04:00.001-08:002013-12-28T23:23:55.593-08:00Debate Vs. Argument Vs. Fighting - The Blog Post that Cause the Breakup<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/xj1909rt_e8" width="480"></iframe><br />
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Debate Vs. Argument Vs. Fighting<br />
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So some of you may know that I'm in a relatively new relationship. My boyfriend Joel Bruce is great. He makes me happy, he makes me feel good, he makes me smile, all that good stuff. There's just one problem. He's an Atheist. Now that isn't, or wouldn't be a problem in and of itself. I've dated Atheists before, many of my closest friends and family members are Atheist, it isn't a problem for me. Or wasn't until now. <br />
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Like I said, my relationship with my Joel is great, or would be, if it weren't for that one thing. Why is it a problem? Because we make it a problem. We're both intelligent, passionate, and stubborn. We're set in our beliefs, and neither one is willing to compromise. The question is, should we?<br />
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For those of you who aren't aware, I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, aka Mormon. I've always believed in what are referred to as "The Articles of Faith" (see: <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/a-of-f/1.11">http://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/a-of-f/1.11</a>). I've always especially been fond of the 11th Article of Faith which states: "11 We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may." I truly, and with all my heart believe that, and in doing so, I also respect people's beliefs, non-beliefs, etc. I respect people religions, spiritualities, or lack thereof. Again, I believe in letting people "worship how, where, or what they may." So I'm good where I am, with what I know to be true (why I know it to be true is another long story for another day, but I'll elaborate if asked to do so), and I'm good with my boyfriend being an Atheist. So the question is, why does is cause such turmoil in our relationship? <br />
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I have some ideas as to why, and I'd like to elaborate my ideas, or hypothesis' now.<br />
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First, the problem with me (or is it just a problem with me, for my boyfriend?) is that I'm an emotional person. When I get into a heated debate or conversation, if I'm honestly open with that person, I wear my heart on my sleeve, so to speak. Sometimes I get upset, sometimes my buttons get pushed, sometimes I get sad, sometimes I cry. This is a problem for my boyfriend. He doesn't seem to be able to handle my emotions, even though he expects me to handle his. That's a problem. I feel like I allow him to have his feelings and emotions, but I feel that I'm not allowed to do the same. That's problem number one.<br />
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Second, the problem we have is that my boyfriend is very logical, rational, and scientific in his thinking. The problem lies in that in a theological debate, and in matters of God, things aren't always what we currently understand to be logical, rational, or scientific (even though I believe they are, and that we just don't understand them, or don't yet have the capacity to understand such things). My boyfriend wants scientific proof of God, proof via the scientific method (see: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientific_method">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientific_method</a>). The thing is, if God could be proven to exist, we wouldn't need to be here. We're here to test our faith (see:<a href="http://mormon.org/beliefs/plan-of-salvation" target="_blank"> http://mormon.org/beliefs/plan-of-salvation</a>), and if God gave us all the answers to the test of this lifetime, what would be the point of our being here? There wouldn't be one. The purpose of this life would be null and void. So can the existence of God be proven? I believe so, but I believe that we're not meant to find out that "proof" until we've, well, passed the test, as it were. <br />
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The next problem is, that about once a week or so, we get into some sort of existential debate, which most often turns into an argument, which turns into a fight. Then we start slinging accusations and blame at one another, until the next thing you know, hours have gone by, and we're both emotionally exhausted, and broken.<br />
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Why does it have to be this way? I don't want it to be this way. I don't think my boyfriend wants it to be this way. So why is it? My boyfriend has often accused me of "thriving on drama". He's not the first one that's accused me of such. So I don't know, perhaps I do? I don't mean to, I don't want to. By no means is it an excuse, but I do suffer from mental illnesses, including Bi-Polar Disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified [meaning I don't fit into type one or type two]). I've had this illness, which involves clinical chronic depression, for most of my life. It's controlled (for the most part) by medication and therapy. For the most part, considering what I've been through (a boat load of more stories, for another time), I would say I do pretty good. I'm very high functioning, and for the most part a happy person. I've especially been happy lately, particularly since I met my boyfriend, and those that are close to me have noticed this as well. Now my boyfriend, on the other hand, says that he wants someone that will take away from and relieve his stress, not someone that adds to it (which apparently I do, a lot). Personally I try to focus on the 99% of the time that we have together that is good, whereas he seems to focus on that 1% of the time where things aren't very good at all. Now I understand that this is human nature, that most people remember and focus on negative events over positive ones (they seem to make a deeper impression in our minds), so I understand why he does this. I just want him to stop focusing on the negative, and focus on the positive.<br />
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I think perhaps it all boils down to a communication problem. We both accuse one another of not listening to the other. I've come to realize that I don't think this is actually the case, that we are listening to each other, we're just not focusing on the things that the other person wants the other to focus on, and it seems like we're not listening to each other because of that. <br />
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So how can we remedy this situation? Because it needs to be remedied. It's gotten so bad, that we've almost lost one another because of it, and I, for one, don't want that to happen. <br />
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Now as I said, my boyfriend is a very logical and scientific-minded person. He tagge me in this "Debate Flow Chart" on Facebook the other day, and I "liked" it, and he took that for me agreeing to "debate" following those rules. The problem is, when the time came for another theological discussion, I didn't have the flow chart in front of me, and apparently didn't follow the rules. But then again, should I HAVE to follow any rules when it comes to conversing with my boyfriend? Should I? I don't know. Take a look at the flow chart, and see what you think:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitIQh2uv6DHBI-3f6gmpYMChnNwds71uVAXSUpCtfyYwBZGL81ygZArtiEwTG8C3eFEPIhtNAL1ER1a0qTdnTIn__mwNhSk2BOmeDuZoWIzrFPm5_pGZjGA1k1_pRz1nMiO74HK48B2Xc/s1600/debate-flow-chart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitIQh2uv6DHBI-3f6gmpYMChnNwds71uVAXSUpCtfyYwBZGL81ygZArtiEwTG8C3eFEPIhtNAL1ER1a0qTdnTIn__mwNhSk2BOmeDuZoWIzrFPm5_pGZjGA1k1_pRz1nMiO74HK48B2Xc/s320/debate-flow-chart.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
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Now on most occasions, and for most topics, I would agree with this flow chart, and how it works. The problem is, when it comes to certain things, I just can't follow those rules. Theological matters are one of those things. At the first part of the flow chart is where I get stuck. It says, "Can you envision anything that will change your mind on this topic?" The thing is, my answer, if I'm being honest, is no. That leads to the rule on the flow chart that says, "This is not a discussion. I will not talk to you about this topic.". Now is this fair? I don't think so. I think we can still have a discussion even if I can't envision anything changing my mind regarding the topic. And for the most part, in the past, we have continued the discussion anyway, which then leads to debating, arguing, fighting, etc. So lately I've noticed that my boyfriend has been avoiding such conversations, perhaps in effort to avoid confrontation. The problem is, he still continues to bring up subjects, then I want to talk about them, but he refuses to. Case in point, the other day my boyfriend tagged me in a post containing this article (http://www.salon.com/2012/06/01/but_im_a_good_mormon_wife/), "But I'm a Good Mormon Wife". He didn't make any comments about it, but since he tagged me in it, I figured he wanted me to comment, so I did. This is what I said in reply to the article:<br />
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I'm sad when I hear stories like this. Don't people realize that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God's Church, NOT Joseph Smith's Church? Even if what anti-Mormon media says about Joseph Smith is true, don't people realize he was HUMAN, and as such, a fallible being? The only thing he, as Joseph Smith, The Prophet?, and President of the Church couldn't do was lead the entire Church astray. That's all that God said. He didn't say he was perfect, infallible, unable to be corrupted. In fact, it says in the scriptures that were a Prophet to lead the Church astray, He would be taken from the Earth. Maybe that's why Joseph Smith died? I don't know. However, that said, I still don't believe what I know to be lies about Joseph Smith, or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I would encourage people to learn both sides of the story, instead of just one, and then earnestly pray with a sincere want for knowledge and ask God if it's true or not. A lot of the information in this article is incorrect, and subjective, not objective. It's a personal story, by a person (again, people are fallible, corruptible, imperfect, and all that). There's some things that she talked about as though it was Church Doctrine, that isn't. That God should come before your spouse? Actually, as far as I've always been taught in the Church, it's the exact opposite. As for the Urim and Thummim being a stone in a hat? What, has she been watching South Park? It even describes here, in Extracts from the History of Joseph Smith, the Prophet <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/js-h/1.35?lang=eng#34">http://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/js-h/1.35?lang=eng#34</a> exactly what the Urim and Thummim are..."35 Also, that there were two stones in silver bows—and these stones, fastened to a breastplate, constituted what is called the Urim and Thummim—deposited with the plates; and the possession and use of these stones were what constituted “seers” in ancient or former times; and that God had prepared them for the purpose of translating the book." Nowhere does it talk about a stone in a hat. So that point right there tells me that the author of this article is misinformed. Anyway, I could go on, and will, if anyone would like me to, but I think I've gotten my point across. This blog entry is just that, a blog entry, a personal story, etc. It doesn't make it true, objective, or right.<br />
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Later that night I was talking to my boyfriend online and I said, "So you never replied to my reply about the article you posted." "What article?," he asked. "The one about being a "Good Mormon Wife", I replied. "I don't want to talk about it," he said. Now this upset me. Here he had clearly been the one this time (we've argued over who started the conversation in the first place many times), and now here he was refusing to talk about it. This didn't seem fair to me, or right, and so of course it upset me, and I got a bit confrontational with him. Once again, it turned into a fight, and it wasn't pretty. I accused him of not being willing to follow his own rules, but forcing me into it, and he accused me (once again) of thriving on drama, and needing help. That of course didn't go over well, with either of us. <br />
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Eventually I gave up trying to get him to talk about it, and tried my best to smooth things over. But the tension, even though we were online, was palpable. <br />
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Things have gotten better since then, and we haven't gotten into a fight since, but things are still strained. I'm trying my best to make it work, I even posted the following "10 Commandments of Rational Debate" to him, as a sign that I was willing to follow such rules:<br />
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So the questions I have now are, where do we go from here? How do we fix this problem? Can it be fixed? Are we willing to change or compromise regarding this subject? <br />
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Anyway, if anyone has any insights, suggestions, or words of wisdom, I could really use them right now. Even if you just tell me what you think about the situation, I would appreciate it. I don't want to lose my boyfriend. I love him, and I want him in my life. So what can we do to resolve these issues? Thank you for any insight or knowledge you can provide me with. That's all for now...until next time, I hope all this finds all of you well. <br />
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Kindest Regards,<br />
AshleyQueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-48455758307522425782013-12-07T19:11:00.000-08:002013-12-28T22:07:07.788-08:00Boyfriend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So before I go any further, I'd like to introduce a rather new, yet very important part of my life. I know, this is a big shocker, but I have a boyfriend now! Yeah, me, I've escaped the seemingly eternal depths of being single, and I've allowed my heart to belong to someone else again.</div>
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So you're probably wanting to know how it happened. Well, the story will expose the nerd that I am, but so be it!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRUgqdwysDIOHXGI3_rBlfBkiOk1psHaLf5MIhZNI7K8o5g4EURvU5ZsKqB2OyIP-QbBq5sXc9MA2sdoqO_NuxIy-hc3hhwU7N8IAS9SbJCzWTa-4rR0YKId2Ygf9crtlNmcP1LTzpHjU/s1600/SLCC+2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRUgqdwysDIOHXGI3_rBlfBkiOk1psHaLf5MIhZNI7K8o5g4EURvU5ZsKqB2OyIP-QbBq5sXc9MA2sdoqO_NuxIy-hc3hhwU7N8IAS9SbJCzWTa-4rR0YKId2Ygf9crtlNmcP1LTzpHjU/s320/SLCC+2013.jpg" width="308" /></a>So I've always wanted to go to a Comic Convention (Comic Con for short). The problem is, they've never had them anywhere near where I live, and I hadn't ever made it to one (particularly California's) Comic Con, like I'd always wanted to. Then this year they announced that Utah was going to have it's own Comic Con, the Salt Lake Comic Con. When I heard about it, I was so excited! But then I realized it was probably going to be expensive, and something I couldn't afford. So I gave up my wishes of attending, and hoped there'd be another one next year. Then the week that the Comic Con was to occur, I was talking to my parents about the Salt Lake Comic Con, telling them about what it was, and how desperately I wanted to go. Later that day I was standing in the kitchen, and my dad walks in, and hands me a $50 bill. I looked at him wondering, and asked him what this was for. "It's for your thing," my dad replied. "What thing?" I asked. "Your Comic thing," he said. Oh! I was so excited! I threw my arms around him, and thanked him for being such an awesome dad, and for affording me this opportunity to attend the first ever Salt Lake Comic Con! </div>
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Later, as I went online to order my ticket to attend the Saturday events of Salt Lake Comic Con 2013, I saw that they were also having an event that Friday evening. It was, as they described, a "red carpet" opening and celebration of the Comic Con. It was to be a somewhat formal affair, and costumes, of course, were recommended. I told my mom about it, and she said, "You might as well go!" I agreed, and as it was a cheap addition to my ticket, I decided to go. I ordered my ticket, and got to planning what I was going to wear.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQH8VuRwgmybxYCh8yXWeb3qpm47CFbk7GcbG-JqY2nLOPy4t7oNtYzeMnzjyLIz_uwgbHBNd6YhPbLXilvEBamZ_Vt8LFPwBaLWJKOWuCVEc0VSdMewDHF5bQCn6Q7vyIt6rIhRmNlXA/s1600/Ashley+Dark+Angel+Selfie+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQH8VuRwgmybxYCh8yXWeb3qpm47CFbk7GcbG-JqY2nLOPy4t7oNtYzeMnzjyLIz_uwgbHBNd6YhPbLXilvEBamZ_Vt8LFPwBaLWJKOWuCVEc0VSdMewDHF5bQCn6Q7vyIt6rIhRmNlXA/s320/Ashley+Dark+Angel+Selfie+1.jpg" width="291" /></a>"Hmm," I thought. "What kind of costume to wear to a red carpet affair..." My mom helped me find my box of formal dresses, and we started going through them, and my costume accessories (I have a lot of them...I love to dress up!), when I came across a dress that I hadn't fit into since I was about 17 years old. Well, with having recently lost quite a bit of weight, I tried it on, and ta da!, it fit! It was long, black, with sparkly silver thread running through it. Simple but elegant. I knew exactly what I was going to do with it. I quickly found my black angel wings, and got to work putting my costume together. It came together beautifully, and I was transformed into a "dark angel". I felt like Cinderella going to the ball. </div>
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So it was Friday night, September 6th, 2013, and I was ready to go. I knew that the Salt Lake Comic Con was being held at the Salt Palace Convention Center, so I figured that's where the red carpet event was going to be held as well. This is where fate stepped in. It turns out that evening in Salt Lake City, that a man named Joel Bruce had assumed the same thing. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFUEH_tuos32vKX16W5uttKpDpqwgmmhDWchbDN2H-TUCWYAmu1waoIu7MmUkFjaqrwyCThuYVq3tu6a5q55i8yly2zgU8F5IryR1xpH10Za4jPQvI5_A9xat4jUcL95Yo6tzoJX1vgz0/s1600/Joel+Cute.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFUEH_tuos32vKX16W5uttKpDpqwgmmhDWchbDN2H-TUCWYAmu1waoIu7MmUkFjaqrwyCThuYVq3tu6a5q55i8yly2zgU8F5IryR1xpH10Za4jPQvI5_A9xat4jUcL95Yo6tzoJX1vgz0/s320/Joel+Cute.jpg" width="167" /></a>When I arrived at the Salt Palace, I parked, and started walking inside. There were some people leaving from that days events, but it was pretty empty. I wondered about this, but thought nothing of it. I made my way inside, and looked around, and to my surprise, though there were a few people there, there was no event going on. I spotted an information desk, and made my way over there to ask the people at the desk where the event was going on. That's when I felt a presence behind me. I looked over my shoulder, and saw a man standing there. He was dressed nicely in a dark red shirt, and dark trousers, and I found him attractive, but then wasn't really paying attention, as I was still inquiring about the event. The man behind me piped up saying that he was looking for the same thing. The people at the information desk told us that the even actually wasn't being held at the Salt Palace, but at a club called The Depot, down the street. I asked them for directions, and they told me, and I turned and walked back out of the door I had come in. As I made my way quickly across the sidewalk in the dark, I heard footsteps behind me, and someone call out to me. "Miss!" he said. It was the man in the dark red shirt. "Miss," he called, "do you want to look at my phone and see the directions, and walk there together?" Immediately my walls went up. You see, I'm used to the creeps the perverts, the no-so-nice people in the world being attracted to me, as if I had a sign post on my back indicating I was looking for such people (I never could figure that out), and I figured this man must be one of those people, if he was talking to me. Quickly I replied, "No, that's okay, I'm just parked right here, and I'm just going to drive over there." As I quickly turned and walked away, I heard his disappointed, "Okay.", and something in me told me to turn around. Now just a note here, usually I don't do things like this, nor do I recommend that anyone else do them, but like I said, something told me to, even prompted me to do what I did then. I stopped, and turned around, and said, "Hey, would you like to ride with me?" He brightened up and smiled, and agreed to do so. </div>
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We made our way to my car, and as we drove to The Depot club, we introduced ourselves. He told me that his name was Joel. I introduced myself as well, and I was truly glad to meet him. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2chCFbeJmBXmBWITzt-dKA4YOh8q8_axIgHOIkCSeQiFBT2Z2mtrH4Q0aSgtqrzGnZSEF11nJcXrdysa-5zNVXeE5e6W57Rna2uxtxYWHCAiBdofyxMjz_aL1d1ADu3G7YIw6wEQ0QdM/s1600/SLCC+Depot+Artists+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2chCFbeJmBXmBWITzt-dKA4YOh8q8_axIgHOIkCSeQiFBT2Z2mtrH4Q0aSgtqrzGnZSEF11nJcXrdysa-5zNVXeE5e6W57Rna2uxtxYWHCAiBdofyxMjz_aL1d1ADu3G7YIw6wEQ0QdM/s320/SLCC+Depot+Artists+1.jpg" width="320" /></a>We found a parking spot near the club, and he escorted me to the entrance. They of course (this is Utah) asked for ID, and though I didn't know it at the time, Joel thought I was only a young teenager, and wouldn't be allowed into the club. Of course that not being the case, I produced my ID, and we were let into the club. That's when the magic of the night began. Joel once again escorted me inside, being the perfect gentleman. He asked where I'd like to go, what I'd like to do, etc. We made our way inside, and I was surprised to see a station set up with a bunch of art supplies, artists, and models posing for drawings to be done of them. I noticed a sign that said "Draw With Us", so I decided to do just that, being the artist that I am, and not being able to resist. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO-v293wl86283HLa31sRlZolQJgMn7cDPV7k_1PdE7zb-QG9qkw1mcGFqq8ZB1WEME6Yi1c83eYcjLzFMlQWEJs9M5lFhJXx0WUtqu7ESgF8FrllAY_aupOpEQWP34MywG5uh-JcOwgk/s1600/The+Spazmatics.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO-v293wl86283HLa31sRlZolQJgMn7cDPV7k_1PdE7zb-QG9qkw1mcGFqq8ZB1WEME6Yi1c83eYcjLzFMlQWEJs9M5lFhJXx0WUtqu7ESgF8FrllAY_aupOpEQWP34MywG5uh-JcOwgk/s320/The+Spazmatics.jpg" width="320" /></a>Joel came and went, but we always seemed to end up back together. Finally we ended up on the dance floor. There we touched for the first time, and the chemistry and sparks were immediately flying! An 80's cover-band called The Spazmatics<span style="text-align: center;"> (see: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Spazmatics-Salt-Lake-City-UT/128819650527729) were playing a bunch of old hits, and Joel and I danced the night, and talked the night away. I completely let go of my inhibitions, and allowed myself to enjoy myself like I never usually would. I found myself wanting to be near this man, with this man, wanting the night to never end. Then he kissed me, and I was hooked. I couldn't stop grinning. Things like this just didn't happen to me. I wasn't Cinderella at the ball, this couldn't be real, could it? At that point I just didn't care, I just didn't want it to end. But eventually it did come to an end, and I figured that was it, and I'd probably never see my Prince Charming again. Boy was I wrong! </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbWvhSPp7cfcd5GTQJK9Idj5hhC5oiAMKPad3nhp9vzp03gwujR4_thcOYaDy9KXAhdW2O2L2ZnWQfq1T8D0PyiZWNQxwRaQLsHPbi4taCKyhVIHWaKc-gmUgy5u3ceFJBEouM3thsvdA/s1600/Depot+Dancing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbWvhSPp7cfcd5GTQJK9Idj5hhC5oiAMKPad3nhp9vzp03gwujR4_thcOYaDy9KXAhdW2O2L2ZnWQfq1T8D0PyiZWNQxwRaQLsHPbi4taCKyhVIHWaKc-gmUgy5u3ceFJBEouM3thsvdA/s320/Depot+Dancing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Joel and I ended up exchanging phone numbers, and he later texted me. I still have the text..."Hi Ashley, this is Joel. I really enjoyed myself tonight." The feelings were mutual, and I told him so. We talked about how we were both going to attend the Salt Lake Comic Con the next day, and he asked if I wanted to meet up with him. I quickly agreed, and couldn't wait for the next day to come. After such a perfect night, I wanted a perfect day for the next. I got my wish. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2miK-av3yL2hDu8vFafZPzCFZ3mff8veMPWH5RB1UZxon937InC4WPK0c0G0BPALHYzAXoXGcurnvdpG5SnVpYTbvaLyhWZl_hWEtxyIYLcptQp4zh3pgLhIGTlEbyF3lAtAaRrPLr1A/s1600/Ashley+Red.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2miK-av3yL2hDu8vFafZPzCFZ3mff8veMPWH5RB1UZxon937InC4WPK0c0G0BPALHYzAXoXGcurnvdpG5SnVpYTbvaLyhWZl_hWEtxyIYLcptQp4zh3pgLhIGTlEbyF3lAtAaRrPLr1A/s320/Ashley+Red.jpg" width="179" /></a>I dressed up all sexy (in red, because I knew from him telling me how much he liked the color), and enjoyed getting dressed up again, this time just for<i> HIM</i>. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQPjOubFUmbs9IOhBZz16kE7XSo8BqEAtQgCAYjaKRSTLPuCgsXRbjE1txXie7_GDSIoNvghGpi2pkpv_7rs5V26AdBTLRrbSq1vwZGBm6RbfkKldshTziVlOMGmi2SdM8nvIDfrQqGM/s1600/Joel+with+Zombie+Hand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQPjOubFUmbs9IOhBZz16kE7XSo8BqEAtQgCAYjaKRSTLPuCgsXRbjE1txXie7_GDSIoNvghGpi2pkpv_7rs5V26AdBTLRrbSq1vwZGBm6RbfkKldshTziVlOMGmi2SdM8nvIDfrQqGM/s320/Joel+with+Zombie+Hand.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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And so our courtship began. We spent the next several days together, every waking hour. I enjoyed every minute of it, and just couldn't believe it was real.</div>
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That was almost exactly three months ago, and things have been pretty great so far. We spend almost every weekend together, and sometimes other days. I just love being with him, and miss him so much when I'm not. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvw5ABa3753pQwCRn4YXO_qrH3bCd2yO0TnaU70avn1t267ParXpzSc1PZ_kLAPgucrpYny2CkXG8IP3_Z9XLu_N7BsBIGObwwYv2oSEnPZ03x0lM4hE9vo-FQVbcA1-CG9DHPyl0YtQ/s1600/Joel+Vin+Diesel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvw5ABa3753pQwCRn4YXO_qrH3bCd2yO0TnaU70avn1t267ParXpzSc1PZ_kLAPgucrpYny2CkXG8IP3_Z9XLu_N7BsBIGObwwYv2oSEnPZ03x0lM4hE9vo-FQVbcA1-CG9DHPyl0YtQ/s320/Joel+Vin+Diesel.jpg" width="240" /></a>So you're probably wanting to know more about Joel. Well let's see. He's 32 years old, a year and a few months older than I am He's originally from California, where his immediate family still lives, but he moved here to Utah in 2006 to go to school for Computer Science. After he graduated with a bachelors degree, he started, and continues to work as a computer programmer. He's absolutely brilliant, and definitely one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. He's even quite the scientist, and I'm constantly learning new things from him! (Which I really enjoy.) We have so very much in common. We both enjoy things like gaming (yay, a boyfriend that games...it's so much fun! We've been playing Diablo 3 together, as well as Skylanders, which he has an entire collection of, and we recently started playing World of Warcraft: Mists of Panderia together. I bought him the collectors edition for an early Christmas present, and it's been so much fun playing WoW again!), we're both total computer nerds (though he's far more advanced than I am in that area). He's a scientist, and loves to both learn and teach. We both love to read. We both love movies (we even love the same kinds of movies, how cool is that?!) The first movie we saw together was Riddick: Rule The Dark with Vin Diesel. It was my first time watching a movie in D-Box, and it was so awesome. It was especially cool because Joel looks like Vin Diesel, particularly when he shaves his head, and well, is incredibly hot! </div>
We also both love music (he plays the drums), and has a great singing voice (I don't know that he knows, but I love listening to him when he sings). We're both totally OCD (I think he keeps me around for my tissues and hand sanitizer, which I never leave home without LOL). He's a complete gentleman, and always compliments me on the way he likes the way I do my makeup, or what I wear, etc. He's so sweet! He's also very chivalrous, opening doors for me and such (which I absolutely adore). <br />
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Now everything isn't completely perfect (nothing is), and we have our issues, and both come with our own emotional baggage. Particularly theological ones. As most of you probably know, I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka Mormon), and he's Atheist. He used to be very religious, and even studied to be a pastor. But I guess several years ago, he gave up his faith in favor of science and logic, and no longer believes in God. That's the one thing we've had a lot of problems regarding. We get into a heated debate, that turns into an argument, that turns into a fight far too often. I'm actually working on a blog post regarding this exact subject, so that's all I'll say about it for now.</div>
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But other then that, we get along great, and really enjoy each other's company. (At least I enjoy his, and well, he must enjoy mine as well, either that or he's a complete masochist, or perhaps a little of both, LOL). I've completely fallen head-over-heels for him, and I love him with all of my heart. </div>
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Anyway, that's it for now. More to come very soon, so stay tuned! Thank you for reading, and I hope all of you are well. </div>
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Much Love,</div>
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Ashley</div>
QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-15215246746826201522013-12-03T15:33:00.001-08:002013-12-03T15:33:31.895-08:00Blogging Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">So I think I'm going to start blogging again. I used to do it quite a bit, and have always found it quite cathartic. I've always written in journals and blogs for myself, but for other people as well. I guess I have hope that someone wants to hear my stories, or that people are interested in my life, my opinions, etc. So I wonder who will read this? If you do, I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions regarding my post (good, bad, whatever, as long as it's the truth), so please feel free to respond if you so desire!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I've always loved the written word. I love reading (I'm a professed bibliophile), and love storytelling (which I've finally done professionally, yay!) I also love to write. In fact, in college, before I dropped out, I was in the process of becoming an English/Writing major. So that tells you how much I love to write. Whether I'm any good at it or not, well, that remains to be seen. LOL. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Anyway, I've also had a lot on my mind lately, and sometimes it's easier for me to express things via the written word rather than verbally communicating them. So it's my hope that perhaps I can express my various thoughts, emotions, feelings, opinions, etc. here, in hopes that others might understand them better. Again, how successful that will be remains to be seen. My fear is that if I get <i>too</i> personal, that I might upset people involved in whatever I happen to be writing about. If that does happen, please let me know, and I'll be happy to edit my writing and/or not write about that particular topic in the future. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">So here I go, off on another adventure. I hope it's a fun one, and I hope that you'll enjoy it with me! Either way, here goes nothing, as they say! (Though I never really did understand that saying...it should be "here goes something", but whatever. LOL.) </span><br />
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<br />QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-75437065469391784192011-10-06T20:22:00.000-07:002011-10-06T21:03:05.882-07:00BOOFest!…What a Nightmare!<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><u><br /></u></span></div><br />First a little background information, for those of you who don’t know. I used to be pretty involved in the virtual world called <a href="http://secondlife.com/">Second Life</a>, which is basically like the real world, but online. You interact with other people via avatars, (my avatar’s name is Lilia Quinnell), and you can do pretty much anything you can in the real world, but so much more. One thing I really got into, which became a great love and passion of mine was storytelling.<br /><br />I was a storyteller at a library in Second Life called the West of Ireland Library. Storytellers there would read stories in voice, and real people would come and listen to us. One of the best parts is that people would donate real money to us, which we in turn donated to a charity called <a href="http://www.projectchildren.org/">Project Children</a>, which was a charity that helped children in Ireland learn how to live together in peace despite differences.<br /><br />Anyway, because of some problems I was having with some people in Second Life, as well as some personal problems I was having IRL (In Real Life), I decided to take a hiatus from Second Life. So I took a break for about a year and a half. During that time, the one thing I missed the most other than my friends in SL was storytelling. So about a month ago, I decided I was going to go back to Second Life, and try to become a storyteller once again.<br /><br />Now my first go-round as a storyteller was wrought with problems. Some of them were my own fault, some of them were just life getting in the way. This time, I was determined, was going to be different. So I got back in touch with the storytellers from the West of Ireland Library, which had now become the <a href="http://irelandslstory.blogspot.com/">Seanchai Library</a>. Also different was that instead of benefitting just one charity, the Seanchai Library benefits a new charity every month (so awesome!). <br /><br />The people in charge of the Library were understandably hesitant at letting me come back as a storyteller, because of all the problems that had occurred the first time around. I could hardly blame them. But I assured them, and myself, that this time would be different. And though this time around, there would be problems, how I handled them would be very different.<br /><br />They scheduled me to take part in a group reading of scary stories to start out October, an event called BOOFest! I was very excited, as horror has always been one of my favorite genres, especially to tell aloud. So I started prepping. <div><br />I spent hour upon hour, pouring over books of short stories, trying to find just the right one for my audience. I finally decided on “The Mournful Cry of Owls” by <a href="http://www.christophergolden.com/">Christopher Golden</a>, which I had read last year in the book “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bloody-Returns-Sookie-Stackhouse-Blood/dp/0441015220">Many Bloody Returns</a>” which is edited by <a href="http://www.charlaineharris.com/">Charlaine Harris</a>, writer of the famous<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Southern_Vampire_Mysteries"> Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood) vampire novels</a>. Once I had my story, I started practicing reading it. I read it to myself out loud, and I even recorded it on my computer to make sure that it sounded good. I knew that I was going to be great this time!<br /><br />When I had the story down perfect, I started on the other aspects of the reading. I found the perfect costume for my avatar, Lilia, to wear. A dark outfit, of course, to fit the mood. A black-lace corseted top, outlined in jewels, with matching fishnet and lace thigh-high stockings, which were held up with a black-jeweled garter belt. On her feet were knee-high black leather high-heeled boots. Tied around Lilia’s waist to form a skirt were old rags of damask-patterned dark velvet in shades of black. Arm-length gloves in fishnet and lace to match the stockings were held in place with more velvet rags. Black feathers were tucked in around the waist and arm bands. Around her neck, a black ribbon choker from which hung a single black feather to lie upon her décolleté. Lilia looked perfect!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXICDVGPQq6QDN0nZdtnspHoElKGB2jUuylIn9yENhZSixX72-rnTUMr3taPlyuSDWl1w5yhahOE3joTwBBRUDjzsuqrN891f3wHkZO0iL23r8U4XHdIk0kk4HQlHGtvURgjYX7qwdxNs/s1600/Lilia+Owls.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 233px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXICDVGPQq6QDN0nZdtnspHoElKGB2jUuylIn9yENhZSixX72-rnTUMr3taPlyuSDWl1w5yhahOE3joTwBBRUDjzsuqrN891f3wHkZO0iL23r8U4XHdIk0kk4HQlHGtvURgjYX7qwdxNs/s400/Lilia+Owls.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5660589413814193570" /></a><br /><br />When I had my avatar looking great, I moved onto the scenery. It had been a while since I had built anything in Second Life, so it took me a lot longer than it used to, to create the scenery I was building. I spent hours searching through my inventory, finding just the right props to go with what I had created. When I was finished I had created a floor and background that looked like a “haunted” forest. I found a few spooky looking trees in my inventory, so I put them out. Then I found a great bench to place beneath the trees, for my avatar to sit on while telling the stories. Then, for my pièce de résistance, I created a cute, yet slightly spooky owl, to perch in the trees above Lilia’s head. It took a while to make, but in the end, it looked great, and really fit the scene.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLb2rOYrvqcIu-Uy-0hKYcmXzimtxiugIIgmxxy-SeiT5Yp5fh2fCo0N7Elgir4lt8mvr-qKicGv6Nm3YEnqh6DjnGtwDInAqqt9ANPGCY9Y6j_twEq-j3Crq05q9lrJb2xyE4wFYE4C0/s1600/Mournful+Cry+of+Owls+Set.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 220px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLb2rOYrvqcIu-Uy-0hKYcmXzimtxiugIIgmxxy-SeiT5Yp5fh2fCo0N7Elgir4lt8mvr-qKicGv6Nm3YEnqh6DjnGtwDInAqqt9ANPGCY9Y6j_twEq-j3Crq05q9lrJb2xyE4wFYE4C0/s400/Mournful+Cry+of+Owls+Set.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5660591174548484578" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfSPtkieLTvhRRSRdcy9cYf_XpA9DD8RaZrrJ_yD8Ic6O0sxokw28-P2OBQFAgZx0A7vz9udHARYH9Y1rzxKEWbblDigPla5mD74d2FOncWaMvFdCtfAffMkNOBUdDjYjvLJRua3mhnJA/s1600/Mournful+Cry+of+Owls+Set+w+Lilia.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfSPtkieLTvhRRSRdcy9cYf_XpA9DD8RaZrrJ_yD8Ic6O0sxokw28-P2OBQFAgZx0A7vz9udHARYH9Y1rzxKEWbblDigPla5mD74d2FOncWaMvFdCtfAffMkNOBUdDjYjvLJRua3mhnJA/s400/Mournful+Cry+of+Owls+Set+w+Lilia.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5660594193413543170" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 393px; " /></a><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><u><br /></u></span></div><br />There were other odds and ends I had to finish up. Caledonia, the storyteller that was running BOOFest, had asked for a few things. One of the things that I took a while was a headshot photograph. Caledonia asked for a headshot of Lilia to post on the Library’s blog, as all the photos she (and I) had of Lilia were old. So I had to find a photography place in SL, and then me being the perfectionist I am, it took me a while to get the perfect photo. Once that was done, I got it, as well as all the information Caledonia had asked for sent off, and I was good to go, with plenty of time to spare.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9xaGipMeI5J1zNj1J1K7LzxkBmhilqmqaYi12CapwA1-_zSfyVdv4I-JgEl6KAoYfbOoGhmvSYlRHP0bLbSShhqJSh78fAPaN12WURpjgRa5R9KdgsFBNk2FaYf6U2gVunDzrmiRCdds/s1600/Lilia+Quinnell+Headshot.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 381px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9xaGipMeI5J1zNj1J1K7LzxkBmhilqmqaYi12CapwA1-_zSfyVdv4I-JgEl6KAoYfbOoGhmvSYlRHP0bLbSShhqJSh78fAPaN12WURpjgRa5R9KdgsFBNk2FaYf6U2gVunDzrmiRCdds/s400/Lilia+Quinnell+Headshot.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5660591533416973458" /></a><br /><br />Caledonia scheduled me for 3PM on Sunday, October 2, 2011. Unfortunately, this interfered with my church schedule, and I informed Caledonia of such. I didn’t hear back from her though, so I figured I’d just have to leave church early. (It wasn’t until later that I realized that it was General conference weekend, so I’d just have to miss a bit of the Sunday afternoon session.)<br /><br />Meanwhile, back at the ranch…<br /><br />In the meantime, my friend Andrew from Washington was staying with my family and I, and so of course I had to attend to him as well. Unfortunately Andrew has really bad allergies, and when he got to Utah, they hit him <i>hard</i>. It seems that he’s deathly allergic to something we have here, and it didn’t help that during the week he was here that the pollen counts were off the charts. As it turned out, he must have been carrying some sort of dormant virus or bacteria, and with his immune system being weakened from his allergies, the illness (we now refer to it as the “black death”) attacked.<br /><br />It started out with a sore throat, and then attacked his sinuses. I’ve never seen so much sinus discharge (sorry to be gross, but yes, it was <i>disgusting</i>). Then it was in his lungs, and turned into a cough. At one point he couldn’t hear out of one of his ears. The poor guy was in misery.<br /><br />Not only was I worried about Andrew, but I was worried about my family and I as well. I didn’t want any of us to get sick. I tried to take precautions, but in the end, it was all for not. Whatever this illness was, it was highly contagious. First my brother got it. Then the next day, despite all my precautions, I came down with the “black death”. I was horrified. Here I was, less than 3 days before my grand return to storytelling, and I was sick in bed. I felt absolutely awful. The Black Death hit me<i> HARD</i>. I could barely crawl out of bed to get food, or use the restroom. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to read a story out loud, when every time I tried to talk I would go into a fit of coughing. I think it hit me a bit harder because of my asthma, which acts up when I’m sick. Ugh. I was in trouble. But I was determined not to bail out of storytelling like I had in the past. So I stayed in bed, rested, and tried to get better.<br /><br />In the meantime, Andrew went home (though his eardrums almost burst on the plane, causing him horrible amounts of pain, and causing him to throw up a couple of times, poor guy), and then my mom got sick as well.<br /><br />Now BOOFest! was supposed to last two days, Saturday, October 1, through Sunday, October 2, 2011. I was scheduled to read at 3PM on Sunday the 2nd. When Saturday rolled around, I was still half-dead, but half awake and watching <a href="http://lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2011/10?lang=eng">LDS General Conference</a> (<a href="http://lds.org/">The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints</a>) on TV. It was about 2:50PM, and suddenly I got the feeling that I should go check on things for tomorrows reading. So I turned on my computer, and went to the website that had our story times listed (<a href="http://storyfestsl2011.blogspot.com/">http://storyfestsl2011.blogspot.com/</a>), and I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was my avatars name, but instead of having my story time as being listed for Sunday at 3PM, it was listed for SATURDAY at 3PM, which was in exactly 3 minutes.<br />I sat there for a moment, dumbfounded. Why was this happening to <i>me</i>? Why did these things ALWAYS happen to <i>ME</i>? So I logged into Second Life as fast as I could. Then I realized that I still had my headset hooked up to my computer, the headset that had been having issues. I had planned on borrowing my brothers headset for the storytelling, and would have had it ready beforehand, but didn’t now. So I hurried and IM’d Caledonia, informed her that I was having sound issues and asked her to cover for me for 5 minutes. She said, “Okay, we’ll cover for you for 5 minutes, but then we’re going to move on. I wish you would have logged in earlier and worked this out.” Boy how I wanted to say, “no, duh!” But instead I ran to my brothers room, unplugged his headset, ran upstairs to grab a drink and a new box of tissues, because I knew I wouldn’t make it through the hour without them, then ran back to my room and my waiting computer. At this point I was completely out of breath, shaking violently, and almost in tears from what was going on.<br /><br />Meanwhile, while writing this blog…my room, and the room next to mine flooded. I’ll post another blog entry about that. Ugh…one nightmare after another…will my bad luck never end? But to continue with my BOOFest! Nightmare…<br /><br />My avatar was still dressed in normal clothing, so I tried to quickly change her into her costume as I was teleporting to the storytelling venue. (I wouldn’t know until after the reading that I would screw that up royally.) I knew I wouldn’t have time to set up the set I had planned for the reading, so I quickly scrapped that idea. </div><div><br />As my avatar arrived at the venue, I could hear someone talking, but I figured I should see if my headset worked. I turned my voice on, and asked if anyone could hear me. At first, no one answered. Finally, I realized I was disrupting a story that someone was telling to cover <i>my</i> butt, and just as I shut up, Derry, the head librarian came on over voice and said that I could be heard, but asked the current storyteller to continue. I apologized for the interruption, and also asked the current storyteller (I don’t even know who it was, that’s how out of it I was), to please continue, and that I was sorry for the interruption. In the meantime, I tried to catch my breath, and prayed that the current storyteller would be long-winded. He wasn’t. Before I knew it, he was finished, and the stage was mine.<br /><br />My heartbeat tripled, the violent shaking increased ten-fold, and what I thought of as not being able to catch my breath before was breathing easy compared to what I felt now. I started to mumble some sort of introduction about my story, introducing it from the book edited by Charlaine Harris, and muttering something about her, and the True Blood series. I really don’t know what all I said. Then I shakily opened my book and started to read from “The Mournful Cry of Owls” by Christopher Golden. </div><div><br />I gasped out about 3 paragraphs, noticing as I did so that I was getting an ear and window full of IM’s, and knowing that as I did so exactly what they would say (telling me to relax, asking what was wrong with me, etc.). As I struggled on, a kind voice came on over my headset, calling me by my avatar’s name, “Lilia, Lilia, relax, relax…you’re a good storyteller…take a minute, breathe, catch your breath.” My savior, Derry, the head librarian at the Seanchai Library. “Thank you, Derry,” I sputtered, “I just need a minute to catch my breath…I’m sick, and I didn’t know that my reading time was today, and I just found out.” I tried to explain what was going on, and she just kindly encouraged me to take a deep breath, and take a minute to recover, which I did.<br /><br />I turned off my microphone, closed my eyes, and just breathed. In chat people were typing kind words of encouragement to me, which really helped. They were all saying that they all needed a break after a long day of storytelling anyway, so they all too a few minutes break as well.<br /><br />After a few minutes recovery time, my heartbeat slowed, as did my breathing, and my thought process. I knew I could do this. I just needed to relax, and focus. I turned my microphone back on, apologized for the delays, and thanked everyone for waiting.<br /><br />I opened my book once again and took my listeners with me on a journey along with Danika Ristani, a newly turned 16 year old girl who would find out that she was something more, something darker than she thought she was.<br /><br />In the end , though my voice sounded stuffy, and I had to take moments to blow my nose, I think that my reading went pretty well considering all the problems at the beginning. I didn’t get to display the scenery that I created, nor the pretty costumery that I had found (I realized afterwards that I had left a t-shirt on my avatar that said Woot! across the front of it, and that it looked completely stupid with the rest of the costume), but in the end I was proud of myself for enduring through to the end, for not giving up, or just not showing up (as I probably previously would have), but in toughing it out, and doing the best that I could. Now if I can tough out this whole flood business, I’ll be set…</div></div>QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-24810871934085849902010-12-13T23:09:00.001-08:002010-12-13T23:09:31.595-08:00LonelyUgh...going through some really tough stuff right now. 2010 has officially been one of the worst (if not the worst) years of my life. I'm glad it's nearly over. <br /><br />Friends keep disappearing off of my Facebook friends list. Is this happening to anyone else? Is it a Facebook glitch, or am I really losing my friends one by one? Perhaps I'm just being paranoid. I hope so. <br /><br />I'm in desperate need of friends right now, and over the past year-and-a-half I seem to have lost my closest friends one by one. I guess it's a true test of friendship when you see who sticks around during the hard times. I feel so much sorrow over the friends that I have recently lost, because they were the ones I thought (and hoped) would be there through thick and thin. I'm tired of being the one that stands behind my friends, especially when they need it most, only to be dumped when the tables are turned and I'm the one in need. <br /><br />Or, as the case is recently, having not stuck by me during my times of need, then betraying my trust and our friendship time and time again until I seriously question my sanity at having let such a so-called "friendship" go on for so long. I question my motives for having stuck it out this long. Do I stand beside this friend on principle, because that's what friends are supposed to do? Do I stand beside this friend because that's what Christ would do? Do I stand beside her out of habit, because I always have? Or are my motives selfish ones? Do I stand beside her because she's the only one that always comes back? Because she's the only one that will put up with me and all the baggage I come with?<br /><br />If I stand by such a friend, what price will I pay? The consequences to myself, my family, and those around me could be dire. Is such a friend, or friendship, worth it? She has collected her 10 pieces of silver many times over; if I walk away now, will I be guilty of the same? <br /><br />Do I give her my love, my blessing, my best wishes, and walk away? Do I do and say nothing, as she has done to me? Do I wait, bide my time, and react only when she acts? This last is what I have been doing. Waiting. It's been over a month now...she's had plenty of time to contact me, but has not. I decided a month ago that I would wait and see what her actions would be, and then I would decide what to do. Now that she has not acted one way or another, what do I do? Do I just wait here, in limbo? <br /><br />I feel so lost, so alone; so friendless. Is this my own fault? Perhaps. Is it because the people of the world (or at least those whom I come in contact with) have lost the ability to be a true friend? I don't know. Either way, the result is the same; I wallow in my sorrow, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, and now, year after year, as the world, and all those I once called 'friend' pass me by.QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-88367457648012102512010-09-13T03:41:00.000-07:002010-09-13T04:46:01.454-07:00Decompression Methods & Looking for a HomeStill decompressing from Burning Man...resting (I way over did it at BM), but I've been rather restless, so I decided to make some fabric flowers. I found a great tutorial for them here: <br /><br />http://heyjenrenee.blogspot.com/2010/03/fabric-flower-tutorial.html<br /><br />I'm making red and denim flowers right now, all made from cut-off pants. The denim is from a pair of jeans that I made into cutoff shorts, and the red flowers are from a jersey-knit pair of pajama pants that I cut off to make yoga-like pants. The flowers are turning out so cute! I've kinda done my own thing and sewed and arranged the flowers a bit differently than in the tutorial. I think that mine turned out super cute. I'll post pics when I'm done with them.<br /><br />Next I'd like to try these rolled fabric flowers:<br /><br />http://mysparkle.blogspot.com/2010/02/how-to-rolled-flowers.html<br /><br />The rolled fabric flowers look a little more difficult, but they shouldn't be too hard to make. Though I might have to get out of bed to make the rolled flowers. If I don't, I'll end up with glue all over my bed (which is already filled with tiny fabric scraps). I don't know why, but all my life, if I'm creating artwork or crafts, I always make such a mess. Whether it be paint all over my body (I seriously don't know how it gets some places...lol), or glitter or beads littered throughout the house, I just can't help but make a mess when I'm creating something. <br /><br />Ahh...well, I've been up all night, and it's now 5:30ish AM, and I'm drifting off to sleep. I'd be asleep already, but my thumb is killing me (part of the nail came off...I'll explain later). It's throbbing...*cries* I'm going to go wash it out good (it's totally infected), and bandage it up. Hopefully I can get into a dermatologist soon to see if there's anything they can do for me. I just hope that my thumb nail, or thumb itself isn't messed up. *sigh* It probably will be. The same thing has happened to my big toes, and they're all jacked up now (stupid podiatrists screwed up). Okay I'm going to stop thinking about it now, because focusing on it makes it hurt even worse. <br /><br />Anyway, one of these days I'm going to write out my stories from Burning Man 2010. I have so much to write about! I took tons of pics too! I need to write down a bit of an outline of the stories, while they're still fresh in my memory. I don't think I'll have the time or effort to sit down and write it all out right now, because I'm going to be too busy packing to move. <br /><br />Speaking of moving, we still don't know where we're moving to. We're desperately trying to find a rental that will accommodate our needs and fits within our budget. Easier said than done! I'm so sick of doing this...trying to find a place to live, never having anything stable, having to pack, unpack, etc. <br /><br />This last move I didn't even unpack most of my boxes. I knew that we were going to be here less than a year. (We're living in the home of a missionary couple while they're serving their mission in California. They'll be home sometime at the beginning of October, so we've got to be out before then. Ugh I just hope we don't have to help put their house back together the way they had it. When their kids (all adults) move all of their things into the basement and extra bedrooms, they just sort of threw everything in with no rhyme or reason, they just stacked and stacked and it was so unorganized and awful. My mom and I sort of organized the basement so that I could set up a craft room (which I never finished...*sigh*). Ah well, c'est la vie. But in the meantime, we need to find a house! If anyone knows of a nice rental home, preferably in the Davis County area, that has at least 3 bedrooms (and an office or extra bedroom), for around $1k-$1300 a month, then let me know! <br /><br />Alright, I keep falling asleep and typing gibberish. It's rather funny, actually. lol. Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope all is well with you.<br /><br />Much Love,<br />-AshQueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-1265019897890101842010-07-10T11:39:00.000-07:002010-07-10T12:32:30.265-07:0010 Year High School RunionWow...so my 10 year high school reunion is coming up. So crazy...I can't believe it's been 10 years! I feel old. lol. I was hesitant to attend the reunion. I didn't go to the 5 year reunion, but I heard that not many people did. With the 10 year reunion coming up I've been thinking so much about the things I went through in high school, and the things I've gone through since leaving high school. I've been through so very much since high school, but I've accomplished so little. I look at the social networking site pages of my peers and see what they're doing with their lives. So many people are living my dreams of having a spouse, a home, children, and a career. 10 years ago that's where I thought I'd be too! My how things change. I can only hope that the next 10 years will be better. I hope that by the time my 25th high school reunion comes up that I will have pictures posted of my family and I...a husband, children, a home, and hopefully I'll be a working artist, helping to support my family and doing what I love at the same time. Ahh...dreams. Some dreams come true; I hope mine will.<br /> <br />Anyway, I actually didn't go to BHS very long, only 1 semester; then I transferred to Salt Lake Community College. But I do know a lot of people from my class. I grew up with so many of them, and attended both elementary school and junior high with them. I've been hesitant about attending the reunion. <br />My school years were absolutely miserable for me. I was an outcast, always the one that got teased. I had few friends. I did terrible in school as far as grades went; I was bored because the things they taught weren’t anything new to me. I've always done much better learning on my own. I also got screwed by the public school system because of my disabilities; they never cared, they just brushed me aside. I fell through the cracks, and no one noticed. I had to stop going to school because of my back, and at first they had me on "home hospital" schooling, but that was a complete joke. It was back before the days where you could do schoolwork online. Once a week a teacher would come to my house and drop off a stack of homework to do. I tried to do the work at first, but I just couldn't do it. (This was back before I was diagnosed with ADD and medicated for it.) Usually I just put the homework all in a pile, never did it, and never turned it in. <br /><br />Luckily I was able to get into SLCC when I was 16 or 17. I did so much better in college than I did in my previous schooling experiences. I absolutely loved it, but unfortunately traumas in my life forced me to drop out before I could complete my degree. The biggest problem was my back. At that point in time I refused to take narcotics to relieve the pain; I was too afraid of addiction, and rightly so. A lot of other things happened all at once, so I stopped going to school; figuring I'd return after things calmed down. Nine years later, I still haven't made it back to college. I long to go back. I yearn to complete what I started. I so want to be able to have a degree and work in the field I love (visual art). <br />Back to my reunion...I finally decided that I will attend the reunion. I bought my ticket for it today. I wish I had a reason to choose the option to buy 2 tickets, the ones for couples. But no, I had reason to only buy a single ticket. I'm crossing my fingers that for the next reunion, should I choose to attend, that I'll have reason to buy 2 tickets.<br /> <br />As I said, I've been hesitant to attend my high school reunion. I don't really know why I'm going, I just have the urge to. I even volunteered to be on the reunion committee (what was I thinking?!). They want me to put together a slide show of pictures of classmates from high school and pictures from the present. Sounds like a lot of work, but it might be fun. I just have to find a projector and a laptop to do it with, because I have neither. Maybe I want to see the people that were so mean to me, see that they're not better than me, and prove to them that I turned out great (or at least appear to have). <br /><br />But really, though I've had a pretty miserable life during the past decade, I'm proud of how I turned out. Most people wouldn't have turned out so well if they'd gone through what I have. I've experienced more of life in the past 10 years than most people will in their entire lifetime. Having gone through so much has given me knowledge, wisdom, strength. It has taught me survival. It has taught me love, heartbreak, tragedy, and happiness. The strongest metals are forged in the hottest fires; the fires I've been through. I'll admit that I'm just about as screwed up as a person can get, but I've learned to love who I am. I still have problems with low self-esteem, but daily my confidence in myself increases. Maybe the reason I'm going to attend my reunion is so that I can prove to myself that I can do it, and that I can survive. Or…maybe…just maybe…I’ll meet some handsome classmate, we’ll fall in love, and live happily ever after…hahaha…well, a girl can dream!<br /><br />Anyway, I'm rambling on and on (I tend to do that much too often), so I'll be done for now. Wish me luck that my reunion will go well!QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-76122315323561291852010-05-03T13:28:00.000-07:002010-05-03T13:30:21.649-07:00Afraid for a Friend<p class="MsoNormal">AHHHHHHHHH!!!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I’m freaking out here.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know I haven’t written in a while, well, I have written a few times since I last posted, but I haven’t posted what I’ve written.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t know why I didn’t post those entries, I just didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Well, I do know, sort of.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve been having these issues with writing lately.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Well, I’ve been having issues with everything lately, but let’s just focus on the writing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My therapist says that it’s “dread”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Every time I go to get on my computer, this overwhelming wave of dread hits me, and I don’t get on.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t know what’s wrong with me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I think it may have to do with my medication.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I finally stood up to my psychiatrist (my psychiatrist and therapist are two different people; I love my therapist, can’t stand my psychiatrist), and told him that I was tired of him putting me on more and more medications that aren’t working, and said that I want to go off of what he had me on (Cymbalta, Triavil, and Lamictal), and go back to something that worked for me years ago; Zoloft.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The thing is, Zoloft stopped working for me a few years ago (which happens with anti-depressants; they work only for so long and then gradually the body builds up a resistance to it for some reason).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Well, no one told me that after being off an anti-depressant for a few years it may start to work if taken again.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Why didn’t anyone tell me this?!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Stupid doctors!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So I finally asked my psychiatrist if I could go back on a medication that had stopped working, and asked if it would work again.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He said yes that it may.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(Grr.)<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I said I wanted to try that.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So for the past couple of weeks I’ve basically been in detox from all the meds (that I listed above) that he had me on.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Now I’ve been through switching meds before, but it’s never been this awful, or this drawn-out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s literally made me insane (or more so).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I feel bad for everyone that’s been around me for the past few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know that I’m hard to deal with normally, but I’m sure that for the past few weeks that I’ve been like handling a living time-bomb.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve been trying to warn everyone to stay away from me (especially my mom), but no one seems to want to listen. *sigh*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So that’s caused a lot of arguments/fights, which is always oh-so-much fun.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’ve started on Zoloft as of two days ago, and things are already MUCH better.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Maybe it’s just my mind fooling me into thinking that the Zoloft is so much better, but I don’t really care at this point; I’m just glad I don’t feel as miserable as I have for the past few weeks.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">That brings me back to my point (yes, I do have a point…sometimes), the reason for me writing today.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I logged on MSN Messenger today, and my friend Trish (one of my best friends) had the messenger status of, “Time together is just never quite enough when you and I are alone I’ve never felt so at home <3”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I IMd her and asked her if she is dating someone.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At first she said no, and then she said something like, “Well nevermind, I am close to someone.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I said cool, and asked who.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She said, “Do you remember Shay?”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My heart dropped.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I started freaking out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The thing is, I had been thinking a lot about “Shay” lately.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I didn’t know why until now.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I sometimes have a “sixth sense” about things, and this is proving to be one of those times.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The thing about Shay (real name Sarah) is that she is one of the most wicked, evil people I’ve ever met.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m ashamed to say that even knowing that, I still allowed her into my life as a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I learned the hard way that Sarah doesn’t have friends; she has minions.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Pawns.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She just uses people for her own wants, abuses them, then spits them out when she’s finished with them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There just aren’t enough words to explain what a terrible person Sarah is.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The best way to describe Sarah is as a “perfect politician”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If you add up all the corrupt political attributes of politicians, you have Sarah’s personality.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And now she’s “dating” one of my best friends.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The stupid part is, they’ve never even met each other in person.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The worst part is, I introduced them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The way I met Sarah is via one of those stupid virtual worlds (I’m not going to name it, because I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else ending up in that awful place).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I thought she was pretty cool at first because she spoke her mind and stood up for her beliefs, and I respected that.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>However, I soon saw the real Sarah.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m ashamed to say that not only did I put up with what she did and said, I sometimes participated in it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m disgusted with myself for being part of manipulating people, or otherwise treating people poorly.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I soon grew to dislike Sarah.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then I did something even worse, instead of just not associating with her anymore, I stuck to the old adage of “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I kept Sarah close.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then, I started to use <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">her</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess I didn’t feel bad doing it because she did it to everyone around her.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I let her believe that I was one of her minions, all while manipulating her for my own needs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I look back at the things I did and I want to vomit.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I became all the things I hated about Sarah.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now in this virtual world we played this “game”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We were all vampires, and we “lived” in the virtual world as vampires, biting people, gaining vampire minions, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In the vampire clan we were in was ran by a monarchy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There was a king and queen, and other various royalty.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then there was the “council”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The council basically ran everything.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Well a bunch of stuff happened (there was ALWAYS some sort of drama going on in the clan, and throughout the virtual world in general), and Sarah ended up as president of the council.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Once again I manipulated her, and others, and got myself elected as vice president.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>From there, we controlled everything.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The irony was that though “Shay” thought she was using me as her pawn to do her bidding, I was the one doing the controlling.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I got her to do everything I wanted her to do.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I let this go on for months.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess I figured that it wasn’t the “real” world, so I could do and say what I wanted there, and there wouldn’t be any repercussion.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Boy was I wrong!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m so ashamed of the things I did.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The thing is, with every horrible thing I did, Sarah did things that were a hundred times worse.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But I just let it slide.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I turned a blind eye towards it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I still can’t believe the things I put up with.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then, in December, things in my real life came crashing down, and I ended up in the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I got many letters, emails, notes, etc. from various friends and family sending me well wishes and such.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then, I got this email from dear Sarah:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" line-height:115%;Tahoma","sans-serif";color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">“Can you please pass a message to Ashley for me?</span></span></span></span><span style="line-height:115%;Tahoma","sans-serif";color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">
<br />
<br /></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">First- I hope you are doing well, and that you get better soon :-) Also, remember all of us are pulling for you.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">
<br />
<br /></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Second- Sandy and I are moving to another SIM, so the stuff I can take (of yours) I will, and put it all in a folder labeled 'Lilia's Stuff' so it doesn't get Lost in your inventory.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">
<br />
<br /></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Third- I will find a replacement for the VP slot, mainly because I have to get things going again, you will still be in council, I just need to make sure Continuity is in place at all times.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">
<br />
<br /></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Feel Better-</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">
<br />
<br /></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">~Shay</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">”</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">So basica</span>lly she stole all my stuff in the virtual world (stuff that cost real money, by the way), and then instead of doing the right thing and holding my position of vice president for me, she just threw me under the bus.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As I said, that’s what she <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">does</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She uses people until they are no longer useful to her, and then she spits them out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I was absolutely disgusted with her pretended concern and thoughtfulness in the letter.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Typical politics with her.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It kind of blindsided me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was shocked that she would have the gall to kick me while I was down.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Me who despite my dislike of her had always treated her well, always been a good friend to her, who had always been there for her, and she kicks me when I’m down.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The thing is, it turns out that she did me a HUGE favor.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She got me to reevaluate my participation in the virtual world, and I decided that I hated who I had become there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I left.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But before I left, I exposed her for the fraud she was…I handed over proof of her manipulation to someone I trusted.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The thing is, the person I gave the information to was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and so of course he didn’t use it against her, and even let it slide.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But I decided that I wasn’t going to waste any more of my life and time with her, or the virtual world.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I left, and never looked back.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">That is, until now.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I logged back in today.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I feel sickened for doing so.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I just logged out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I thought that maybe I should get involved in that world again so that I could protect Trish.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But if I do that, I know I’ll just fall back into those manipulative behaviors that I so despise.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I’m going to try my best to stay away, to let Trish make her own mistakes, and learn her own lessons.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Trish is one of the most stubborn people I know (almost as stubborn as me! Lol), and I know that if I try to push her away from Sarah that it will just push them closer.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Gah, I just don’t know what to do!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Should I just stay out of it?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Should I just let one of my best friends get hurt by one of the most truly evil people I’ve ever met?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What should I do?!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I think I may have done too much as it is already.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I told Trish how I felt about her dating Sarah, and I think that upset her.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My bad.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I think I did exactly the opposite of what I wanted; instead of letting Trish know that I’m concerned for her well being, I think I just offended her and pushed her away from me, and towards Sarah.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ugh…so many things running through my head.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I wonder if I should tell Morgane (Trish’s ex and another of my best friends) about this, or if I should leave her out of it?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I also just noticed that Sarah removed me as a friend on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Could it be because I just stopped talking to her, and she couldn’t stand to be out of the spotlight?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Or could it be that she disliked what I write on Facebook?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know she<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>hates everything about my thoughts and beliefs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They’re exactly opposite of her own beliefs (she’s a left-wing ultra liberal lesbian atheist and I’m a right-winged ultra conservative Mormon), and I don’t think she can handle hearing the truth from me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Either way, it’s curious that she removed me as a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Though I kept my enemy close in her case, it’s not something I do with anyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But with Sarah, she does that with everyone, which is why I’m surprised she removed me from her friends list removing me from being “close”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Now how will she keep an eye on someone she despises?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So I did something stupid…I added Sarah as a friend on Facebook again.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Should I wait and see what happens?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Should I try to be friends with her, or at least be civil with her since she’s “dating” one of my friends? <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Should I just let it be and ignore her?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Should I remove her as a friend if she accepts the friend request?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ugh, I don’t know what to do!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So frustrating!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-66084589802683241022010-02-25T17:43:00.000-08:002010-02-25T18:31:07.603-08:00The Queen's Quill<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFAMYzWrHRj-N07Zi-YAY05D-8EVUpGaoKa1WirIadsFv9fQgsCbHoXq8E3xReGf53WGeKOxRHDhFK37bzGFkV3ENHHew1BDud_KTG4T-HknvmULSD09mCk_JieXZOC358i2vpfRq38zo/s1600-h/wreath_sketch_by_deathofrats.jpg" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 369px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFAMYzWrHRj-N07Zi-YAY05D-8EVUpGaoKa1WirIadsFv9fQgsCbHoXq8E3xReGf53WGeKOxRHDhFK37bzGFkV3ENHHew1BDud_KTG4T-HknvmULSD09mCk_JieXZOC358i2vpfRq38zo/s400/wreath_sketch_by_deathofrats.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5442374038127510594" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYRc5B3qfywYi7QK2InPXfqLj24cA1QOZeZ83k6tguNhWbYWv9d2rgYbfQblbfFulx9NRUqHUaUtfTzODti8yf3mxtF7qlPstQ-l4X-IQroNGSB-I9WCJCcQ0hJe0xfZbDr1ihlpPTgfA/s1600-h/computer_fun_by_jadekestrel.gif"></a><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Hi!</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So, it’s been a while since I’ve written.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I’ve actually been busy-ish.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I mean, busy for me; which is actually a good thing.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Too often in my life I’ve done almost nothing.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Especially over the past five years since my last back surgery.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">At first it was because I spent the first 6 months after surgery lying in bed.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">After that the only time I could go out for the next six months were things like going to the grocery store with my mom, because I could use one of the little motorized carts to drive around in.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Other than that it was being pushed around in a wheelchair for that year.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span></span>Now with that year, doing things and keeping busy wasn’t really an option.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The only way I got through it was because I was so doped up on painkillers that honestly, I don’t even remember most of that year.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">That is probably a good thing, or I would have gone insane.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">After that first year, when I was in recovery from my back surgery, I just sort of lost myself.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I would try to do “normal” things, try to be busy with life.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">That would work okay for a while, but then I’d go back into sleeping all day, or lying in bed all day, or just doing nothing.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">During the recovery time, that was okay.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The problem was, after I was healed, or mostly healed, I stayed in that zone of doing nothing.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I think there were a lot of reasons behind that.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Not only was it just habit because of having been immobile for so long, but it also became about me hiding.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I still had so much emotional hurt and pain in addition to the physical pain, and the easy way out became to hide.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Of course there were times that I didn’t hide.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I actually held down a couple of full time jobs in those years.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Those jobs didn’t last very long though.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The first time was in 2006 when I worked for Cisco, but only did so for a few months.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The reason I quit was because my family had been planning a trip to Canada to see where my brother served his LDS mission, and to meet the people he served there.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It was very important that I go on that trip, so before I was even hired, I made sure that a stipulation of my employment would be that I be allowed time off for that</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> trip.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span></span>Well, when the time came to leave, my boss told me that we <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">were too busy, and there was absolutely no way he would let me take the time off.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I explained how stupid that reasoning was, because I was going regardless of the consequences at work, so he might as well keep my employment on hold until I got back instead of me resigning and Cisco having to hire someone new and pay for all new training.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I mean, that’s just logic!</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But he didn’t get it (he was an asshole anyway who later ended up in prison for child pornography).</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So I tendered my resignation and left that job.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">After I got back from the trip to Canada, I just didn’t get another job.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I don’t remember my mindset exactly, but I’m sure it was just easier not to get a job, to go back into hiding; which is exactly what I did.</span></span></p><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhezfJF86unxJaIyttCbRHm2-ir-9tbMWkyCdtp-OhW4YR7U1U6UH7K3rDOV4RBY1SaWTbE6VAkDZDOy6pA-e0vb1Z9G9MMxI5dJzYdCUWCyiDfaHGx84WG0FyWpITPlKmuF7zdEmQaMh4/s400/computer_fun_by_jadekestrel.gif" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 50px; height: 50px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5442371335647983154" /><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In 2007 I got a job with Dell.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I was there for all of six weeks.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I could have done really well with <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">that job.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I was making more than I had ever made before, and I was great at wha<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">t I did.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I did<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">n’t exactly love the job, but it was a job, and a means to an end.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">If nothing else, it was a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">paycheck.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span></span>That all came crashing down.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Everything was pulled out from under me.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I and two other women in the training class had been being sexually haras<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">sed by a disgusting older man in the class.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">We complained time and time a</span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">gain to our trainers, and when nothing was done, we went over his head.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Still, nothing happened.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">That is, until they threatened myself and the other two women with our jobs if we didn’t stop </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">rocking the boat, as it were.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">That silenced the other two women, but not me.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I mean, I understand that they needed their jobs and their paychecks, but at what cost?</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Selling your soul?</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I have morals, standards, and principles that I will defend to the death if needs be.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Anyway, I wouldn’t keep quiet, so they fired me.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Yes, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> got fired for being sexually harassed.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">That’s justice, eh?</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Anyway, long story short, I had a huge lawsuit against the company, let alone the man that was sexually harassing myself and the other women.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I was actually working with the office of the Attorney General of Utah, the problem was that going through with the lawsuit would take a lot of time, effort, and money.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I had the time, but I didn’t have the effort or money to continue with it.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So I had to drop it.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The only thing that comforted me was that I knew they’d all get theirs.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Not only in Karma, but someday God would take care of it.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So I turned it over to Him.</span></span></span></span></p><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvlw6qco-px6sw4RnDFmDuao6z3g1J3JKjYAoKOHHNlwRlXhoZa5u60czj-cIykqOR_GAm2nZ2yiU3Z2vgVWEaC_nyXv7NN_Hl4r-Dec2jGA8jN1bD1Slvuk2YOe6shGV7wBCKFJkTQ9A/s400/hide_by_plasticknife.jpg" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 398px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5442372209079641458" /><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">After that I was just broken.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Here I had put so very much into succeeding, only to have the rug <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">pulled out from beneath me.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I was angry, hurt, and overall depressed.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I sank back into the pit of despair I’ve so often found myself in.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The problem was, this time I didn’t bounce back.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I just sank deeper and deeper.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Of course some good things happened in my life, but they were overwhelmed drastically by the bad things.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So once again I hid, and have been hiding ever <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">since. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span></span>However, things are starting to change.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I have my ups and downs.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It seems at times that the bad still greatly outweighs the goods, but I’m working on changing that.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Even though it seems like every step that I take forward I end up taking 10 steps back, I’m still taking steps, and that’s a start.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I noticed the other day that almost everything I write about in my blog is sad and depressing.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I think that’s because I use my writing as an outlet; to let things out that I otherwise would keep bottled up inside.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The things I feel like I need to get out most are the negative things.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I talked to my therapist about this very thing, and she said that even though writing about the bad things is good, that I need to stop focusing on </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">just</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> the bad things.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I need to focus <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">(and write about) the good things too.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So that’s my goal in my writing, is to write about good things in addition to the bad.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">One good thing that I want to start writing about are my passions in arts and crafts.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I absolutely LOVE arts and crafts, and want to share that love with others.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I’m working on starting a</span></p><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6dZ6DD1reDar6iLE7_wBwfz4e-nYlw6mBUtqhxMKPFVaiUwbD9vEdwS7U-l4VjY8m9u5qRjF_Xx2jDNxnBekUaLfPXA1RAOj83NepPC-DFVEBl4d1d1Yf4nwHs25CtEPNJ-yg1Di1d-A/s400/Crafts_Illustration_by_BlueBirdie.jpg" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 198px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5442373434190244130" /><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> business to sell my artwork and artisan crafts, and think it would be fun to write about those things too.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So I’m going to write about that.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Not only am I going to write about what I create, or what I have for sale, but I’m also going to do things like write tutorials and such.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I’m even<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> working on one right now; a tutorial on creating a greeting card.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I’ve had to wait to do this (and to start my business) because I haven’t had a good enough camera to use to take pictures of my work.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Now I do, so here I go!</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I’m sooo excited.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I’m delighted to actually be doing something.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Not only to be creating, but to have something to be proud of.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So I’m going to create a separate blog for my arts and crafts.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It’s going to be named after my Esty shop; The Queen’s Quill.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The URL for The Queen’s Quill blog is: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span></span></span><a href="http://www.thequeensquill.blogspot.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">http://www.thequeensquill.blogspot.com</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> .</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I hope you’ll check it out, and find it fun and useful.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I would definitely love and appreciate any feedback you could offer on it!</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I’d love suggestions, comments, criticisms, etc.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Most of all, I hope you enjoy it!</span></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjprQjmHBD1r_FmG7yDHOI901aqh3ayvUIuo_xzYCtkuSDtw5KTCC9lDbWVSl7oT6Aggh7MUaC61zoELcB1dxq2zAtkvqZ50wMJ1IrVe-bcl-I79ZmUE8t9KhsfD6FlJtB857QN4fFCMOA/s1600-h/rose_quill_pen_tattoo_by_Malicious_nightmare.jpg" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 178px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjprQjmHBD1r_FmG7yDHOI901aqh3ayvUIuo_xzYCtkuSDtw5KTCC9lDbWVSl7oT6Aggh7MUaC61zoELcB1dxq2zAtkvqZ50wMJ1IrVe-bcl-I79ZmUE8t9KhsfD6FlJtB857QN4fFCMOA/s400/rose_quill_pen_tattoo_by_Malicious_nightmare.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5442365290550465906" /></a><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">See you soon,</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Ashley</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">OF THE DAY</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Mood of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tired</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Word of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Levity</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; "></span></span></p><h2 class="me" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; font-weight: bold; font-family:'Arial Unicode MS', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">lev·i·ty</span></h2><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><sup style="height: 0px; line-height: 1.25em; vertical-align: baseline; position: relative; bottom: 1ex; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; "></sup> </span><span class="pronset" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://sp.ask.com/dictstatic/d/g/speaker.swf" width="17" height="15" id="speaker" align="texttop" quality="high" loop="false" menu="false" salign="t" flashvars="soundUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fsp.ask.com%2Fdictstatic%2Fdictionary%2Faudio%2Fluna%2FL02%2FL0214800.mp3&clkLogProxyUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fdictionary.reference.com%2Fwhatzup.html&t=a&d=d&s=di&c=a&ti=1&ai=51359&l=dir&o=0&sv=00000000&ip=43bad7b6&u=audio" wmode="transparent" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; "></embed> </span><span class="show_spellpr" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; "><span class="prondelim" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[</span></span><span class="pron" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; "><span class="boldface" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: 700; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">lev</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">-i-tee</span></span><span class="prondelim" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">]</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><span class="pg" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 3px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: bold; display: inline; font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">–noun,</span></span><span class="pg" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 3px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: bold; display: inline; font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">plural</span></span><span class="secondary-bf" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">-ties.</span></span></span><div class="body" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-left: 0em; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><div class="pbk" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><div class="luna-Ent" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 3px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: block; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:1em;"><span class="dnindex" style="color: rgb(123, 123, 123); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: bold; display: block; float: left; width: 28px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">1.</span></span><div class="dndata" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 37px; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">lightness of mind, character, or behavior; lack of appropriate seriousness or earnestness.</span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 3px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: block; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:1em;"><span class="dnindex" style="color: rgb(123, 123, 123); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: bold; display: block; float: left; width: 28px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">2.</span></span><div class="dndata" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 37px; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">an instance or exhibition of this.</span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 3px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: block; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:1em;"><span class="dnindex" style="color: rgb(123, 123, 123); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: bold; display: block; float: left; width: 28px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">3.</span></span><div class="dndata" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 37px; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; "><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fickle" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); text-decoration: underline; line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">fickleness.</span></a></span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 3px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: block; font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:1em;"><span class="dnindex" style="color: rgb(123, 123, 123); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: bold; display: block; float: left; width: 28px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">4.</span></span><div class="dndata" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 1.25em; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 37px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">lightness in weight.</span></div></div></div></div></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Quote of the Day: </span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." -Demetri Martin </span></span></p></div>QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-62462014946091104102010-02-02T23:30:00.000-08:002010-02-03T02:48:03.095-08:00Emotions and Poetry<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1KQ-UclwLGWzhqkRaluZsLT4syswzEaUOoekkaWB8PBad4Zo61J-aLQM974yxfhNfgXgzBtreROZbmZ_lZq87VxOqYDVWlzsa_0ipGIeMKmh65TjdHjZ_6pAM4dnRCTnvekaH5k5EMkI/s1600-h/___emotional_abuse____by_vinegar.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 271px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1KQ-UclwLGWzhqkRaluZsLT4syswzEaUOoekkaWB8PBad4Zo61J-aLQM974yxfhNfgXgzBtreROZbmZ_lZq87VxOqYDVWlzsa_0ipGIeMKmh65TjdHjZ_6pAM4dnRCTnvekaH5k5EMkI/s400/___emotional_abuse____by_vinegar.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433963614113066482" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 13px;font-size:12px;"></span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">I’m trying not to cry.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve been trying not to cry for hours.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m so tired of this.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m so tired of feeling so distant from my family.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We just don’t understand each other.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We don’t get along.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I feel like they’re all against me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve always been the bad one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve always been the one that isn’t good enough.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve always been the one that does everything wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t think I can survive here much longer.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">Shit, here come the tears.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m just so weary.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So tired of this.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What can I do?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I feel so helpless; I feel so alone.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What can I do?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What way out do I have?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>God, I need a Xanax.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m so tempted to take one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s very dangerous to take Xanax and drugs like Xanax when I’m on the meds I’m on.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The question is, do I care?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Right now I’d do just about anything to relieve this pain.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">The tears stream down my cheeks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My mom would call these “crocodile tears”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I want my mommy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But she’s so against me right now.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Everything I do is wrong in her eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">I’m trying to convince myself that I don’t need the approval of my family anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m trying to convince myself that their way of thinking is faulty.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That they’re the ones that are toxic.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My family says it’s me, that I’m the one that’s crazy and that I’m the one with a skewed way of thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But when I tell my therapists, or my psychiatrists (yes I have multiple of each) about what goes on, about what I think, they awknowledge that yes, I am mentally ill, but that it’s most likely caused by things that happened to me during my childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Caused by my environment, the environment I’m still stuck in.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">…<o:p></o:p></span></p><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiteincBM9UTidIc1AgFGcMkYXmB4Ej451IqaS-L9iuj8uKO1Xx8SBqomWmEowyR8bpbLtzaYezvthINqJBRkwCFh9gNupzgKMArSHSop0JDl0NvdTZe4RRBrTLeJWGJwj1uldAPgnmsbQ/s400/kfmflowers_michsm.jpg" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 105px; height: 140px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433962946978096514" /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">So I walked away for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m much more calm now.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve been looking at some artwork (I discovered a great artisan named Kel Flowers [what a fabulous name!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m jealous] whose custom made books are amazing), and reading some poetry, and, well, I feel better.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 55px;font-size:48px;"></span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:7;"><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 55px; "></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">I think maybe my emotions are running wild because of my hormones.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s “that time of month,” and I think that could be causing my roller-coaster emotional state as well as my severe back pain.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ah, the joys of being a woman. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(I’m sure you’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">dying</i> to hear about my feminine health issues…if it bugs you, skip the next paragraph.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>[and perhaps grow up a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Hahah…totally kidding!].)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p></p></span></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">The problem with my periods are many.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>First of all, they’ve never been regular.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess in a way that’s kind of a double-edged sword.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>On one hand it’s kinda nice to have only a few periods a year.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Also, I get PMS about a week before my period which includes debilitating back pain (as in I can’t get out of bed), crazy emotional roller coaster mood swings, and pregnancy-like symptoms (things like being overly emotional, cravings, morning sickness, tender breasts, etc.).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The worst part of all that is that not only do I get that for at least a week before my period, it continues during my period.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So that’s 2 weeks I’m basically out of commission.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So that is another reason it’s kind of a good thing </span></p><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2HPfykV2VhAdhzgn3YL-wJkwRWBU7Q2GUaq5PHXKR-eiX8DQ9PaFngOrbo7WtBGoLZULjRc6DVMAqZkB_AA1usEQVHKozhiwQ3Ht3TENS6SoO8oQrUQUXrNzV5l-5Q2xOnRoCFhrE2pI/s400/Hormones_by_BethStump.gif" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 100px; height: 56px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433961056924477378" /><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";font-size:9.0pt;">that I have irregular periods.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The bad part about being irregular is that it screws up with my hormones, which when irregular can cause issues (as if I don’t have enough issues already).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t really know how to explain it, but when I go a long time without having a period it’s almost like I get a buildup of hormones or something that cause mood swings and such, which actually gets relieved after my period is over.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(I know, totally weird.)<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:small;">Anyway, enough about my feminine health.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As I mentioned, I was reading poetry a bit earlier.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I was looking through the website of that artist I mentioned (Kel Flowers), and she had a book that she made that was inspired by the poem “Mushrooms” by Sylvia Plath.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I had never read this particular poem before, but as the book was beautiful (and the verse of the poem I could read in the pictures of the book were beautiful too), and because I </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">love</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> mushrooms (k…we’ve established that I’m weird, lol); I decided to look up the poem.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I found it on a blog (actually looks like an interesting blog) here:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://thebutterflydiaries.wordpress.com/2009/09/05/sylvia-plaths-mushrooms/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://thebutterflydiaries.wordpress.com/2009/09/05/sylvia-plaths-mushrooms/</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I really like how the writer of this blog displayed this poem, and added pictures, and so I’m going to post the same here.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p></p><p style="line-height:14.25pt"></p><p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><b></b></span></p><b><p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Mushrooms</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">By Sylvia Plath</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Overnight, very<br />Whitely, discreetly,<br />Very quietly</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Our toes, our noses<br />Take hold on the loam,<br />Acquire the air.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXt1PtHXNMAoZu5u-OedLumP-C_vRkjmWxF35MDZDJB4MbJhDXmW5B9klPilIvw_GebxVziAd0QdEkPoGN3cLgxBPrSqWaNTgAABx8JjwQ1zxoFmnzaIQXAme_oE5YreZWUjAg48FSTyI/s320/backlit_mushroom.jpg" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 239px; height: 180px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433960056505676450" /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Nobody sees us,<br />Stops us, betrays us;<br />The small grains make room.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Soft fists insist on<br />Heaving the needles,<br />The leafy bedding,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Even the paving.<br />Our hammers, our rams,<br />Earless and eyeless,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Perfectly voiceless,<br />Widen the crannies,<br />Shoulder through holes. We</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Diet on water,<br />On crumbs of shadow,<br />Bland-mannered, asking</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Little or nothing.<br />So many of us!<br />So many of us!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We are shelves, we are<br />Tables, we are meek,<br />We are edible,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Nudgers and shovers<br />In spite of ourselves.<br />Our kind multiplies:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUdLBO-nK6Qi0n4T-uhfYkr6ohw1yxl8a1q_QCFXl3Lq6pweWOWAgSNvq_d66Cg-mTReL80ajSuxlLIQczcq7UFqEIrzWD6MdxfxnAe8HH-x4R7xVmekJVFi9E0gwl-vXg5J23jdlE6X4/s320/Stamp_of_Moldova_364.gif" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 198px; height: 320px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433958144363866658" /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We shall by morning<br />Inherit the earth.<br />Our foot’s in the door.</span></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We are shelves, we are<br />Tables, we are meek,<br />We are edible,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Nudgers and shovers<br />In spite of ourselves.<br />Our kind multiplies:</span></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We shall by morning<br />Inherit the earth.<br />Our foot’s in the door.</span></span></span></p></b><p></p><p></p><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAxa7U3innu5AvqHdhKJ0U60hHZHmDJolNQrlzMotcw0xg5xTXD6bhCAz4nlwXIdn4m3GmPQ-4jvURnuoqe8-CNaKGgsaRgH2u3Vx372_-lE7FxISDGiVS6Yd9FGST54Y9s3stq1iPBTM/s320/sylvia-plath-photograph.jpg" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 149px; height: 179px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433957394469352354" /><p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Isn’t that a lovely poem?</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’m in love with it.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> It’s definitely one of my new favorites! </span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">When doing a Google search for this poem, I also came across websites with analysis’ of the poem.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Most people agreed that this poem was a metaphor for the women’s rights movement.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">However, some people noted that they think that “Mushrooms” is about communism in either Vietnam or China.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One commentator said, “</span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">hey .... another idea..... it is known that Sylvia Plath was pregnant at</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">the time of writing this poem. i feel this poem also depicts the coming of</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">a new generation. 'whitely, discreetly, quietly'... what better words can</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">you get, to describe a growing fetus!! maybe she imagined her own baby</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">speaking to her. the poem represents the hope and future of the world - the</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">forthcoming generation. ... or .... she may be speaking of WAR AND HATRED.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">remember the smoke that goes up from an explosion takes the shape of a</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">MUSHROOM!!</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">”</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One commentator even likened the mushrooms in the poem to gossip.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">All interesting speculations.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Personally I tend to lead towards the supposition that “Mushrooms” is about the women’s rights movement.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Perhaps that’s romanticism on my part, but I’m sticking to it!</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Lol ;P</span></span></span></span></span></p><div><p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Well, it’s getting late (actually rather early for me going to bed…1AM, whereas lately I’ve been going to bed around 4-5AM or later).</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I think I’m either going to lay down in bed and watch tv in bed until I fall asleep, or play games on either Facebook or </span></span></span><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://www.pogo.com/"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://www.pogo.com/</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Anyway, I hope you are all well.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Peace,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ashley</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p style="line-height:14.25pt">P.S. Happy Ground Hog Day!</p><p style="line-height:14.25pt"><br /></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><b><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">OF THE DAY</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Mood of </span></span><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">the Day: Emotional</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <h2 style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:3.75pt;margin-bottom:0in;margin-left: 0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Word of the Day:</span></span></span><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">aubade</span></span></span><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> \oh-BAHD\ , </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">noun;</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">1.</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">A song or poem greeting the dawn; also, a composition suggestive of morning.</span></span></span><span style=" font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-Arial Unicode MS"; mso-bidi-Arial Unicode MS";font-weight:normal;mso-bidi-font-weight: boldfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></h2> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Quote of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"Artists create dreams for those who are awake.” – Author Unknown</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Scripture of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Doctrine and Covenants 64:10 </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast;font-family:";color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I, the Lo</span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">rd, will forgive</span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive</span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">all men.</span></span></span><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Song of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“Release” by Anathema </span></span><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R705gJ4P2xo"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R705gJ4P2xo</span></span></a><span style="color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <h1 style="margin-top:3.75pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:3.75pt;margin-left: 0in"><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"; font-weight:normal;mso-bidi-font-weight:boldfont-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Video of the Day:</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">For gamers -</span></span></span><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight:normal;mso-bidi-font-weight: boldfont-family:Arial;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> Whitest Kids U Know: Call of Duty:</span></span></span><span style=" line-height:115%;Georgia","serif";font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"font-family:";"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2XLhVx2bk8"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2XLhVx2bk8</span></span></a></span><span style="line-height:115%;Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-weight:normal;mso-bidi-font-weight: boldfont-family:Arial;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></h1> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Artist of the Day: Kel Flowers - </span></span><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://myceliae.deviantart.com/"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://myceliae.deviantart.com/</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span><a href="http://www.kelfae.com/"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://www.kelfae.com/</span></span></a><span style="color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Website of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Noisebot</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">- Funny t-shirts, hoodies, and tote bags: </span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><a href="http://www.noisebot.com/">http://www.noisebot.com/</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">How-To of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Custom book binding construction by Kel Flowers - </span></span><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://kelfae.com/binding.html"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://kelfae.com/binding.html</span></span></a><span style="color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Wikipedia of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:boldfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Lepidoptera</span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">is a large order</span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">of insects</span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">that </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">includes moths</span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">and butterflies</span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">(called</span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-weight:boldfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">lepidopterans</span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareastfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">).</span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lepidoptera"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lepidoptera</span></span></a><span style="color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Blog of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The Butterfly Diaries - <a href="http://thebutterflydiaries.wordpress.com/">http://thebutterflydiaries.wordpress.com/</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">News Story of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">NARITA, Japan – A Chinese activist who has spent more than three months living inside</span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span style="cursor:pointer; background-image:initial;background-repeat:initial;background-attachment:initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial;-webkit-background-origin: initial;border-bottom-width: initial;border-bottom-background-position:initial initialcolor:initial;" id="lw_1265164112_0"></span></span></span><span class="yshortcuts"><span style="Georgia","serif";mso-bidi- font-family:Arial;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Tokyo's international airport</span></span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:major-fareast; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">said Tuesday that Chinese officials have given him permission to return home.</span></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100202/ap_on_re_as/as_japan_terminal_activist"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100202/ap_on_re_as/as_japan_terminal_activist</span></span></a><span style="color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Picture of the Day:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Colours Artbook :: Pink Pink by Vanessa 1022 </span></span><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://1022.deviantart.com/art/COLOURS-ARTBOOK-Pink-Pink-150631075"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://1022.deviantart.com/art/COLOURS-ARTBOOK-Pink-Pink-150631075</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6RUS70AuXjdEHjJrcZVqlfE3KJ2KN3YYXeA161roWXTXq7NmeA7RzLBQgoMGDkd_9wIa28jFFEUwmJCUnVASc9uKi4PUOhHysAtoTqfnn2Rdtu1OF_mBfikuyt6pPAPy8hMHK4NhbgfA/s1600-h/COLOURS_ARTBOOK___Pink_Pink_by_1022.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 311px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6RUS70AuXjdEHjJrcZVqlfE3KJ2KN3YYXeA161roWXTXq7NmeA7RzLBQgoMGDkd_9wIa28jFFEUwmJCUnVASc9uKi4PUOhHysAtoTqfnn2Rdtu1OF_mBfikuyt6pPAPy8hMHK4NhbgfA/s400/COLOURS_ARTBOOK___Pink_Pink_by_1022.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433956200017882770" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrjankeIzs57lJsDHd7wAhSvZcmvrSTHl-LkqlNNoRz-qVKujVeqkbEIMyGfRY3wRq1b-ntS2fTry_psgcTareQslzSwYuCgLXk5rxJDR-mh0psb6Q4jA0jMe_m9_QKFUKZEuEbLJ0YoA/s1600-h/COLOURS_ARTBOOK___Pink_Pink_by_1022.jpg"></a></span><div><p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Credits:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Image 1: .: emotional abuse :. By vinegar - </span></span><a href="http://vinegar.deviantart.com/art/emotional-abuse-16707591"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://vinegar.deviantart.com/art/emotional-abuse-16707591</span></a></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Image 2:</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Mich’s Book by Kel Flowers - </span></span><span style="font-family:";"><a href="http://kelfae.com/images/kfmflowers_michsm.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://kelfae.com/images/kfmflowers_michsm.jpg</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Image 3: Hormones by Bethstump - </span></span><a href="http://vinegar.deviantart.com/art/emotional-abuse-16707591"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://vinegar.deviantart.com/art/emotional-abuse-16707591</span></a><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Image 4: Back-lit Mushroom by </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Eric Meyer</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> - </span></span><a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Backlit_mushroom.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Backlit_mushroom.jpg</span></a><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="line-height:14.25pt"><span style="font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Image 5: Moldova Stamp: </span></span><a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stamp_of_Moldova_364.gif" style="text-decoration: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stamp_of_Mold</span>ova_364.gif</a></p></div>QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-4292647088038227492010-01-27T19:44:00.000-08:002010-01-29T18:31:42.151-08:00The Obsessed One<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNqWD6yvhZb8cGgYep7RBditE_QAJnA60Ywn0IjQwf7mOo-rKd8AsSMmFIuA0WHZiX3AyZFj-nMq1gQ_GFWJeLylwsHf8Z2qSY5la0_yJOCR9uIEPbi5PONKpTJLoHN7G2d9MgLQo0CBM/s1600-h/anxiety_by_missbecca.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNqWD6yvhZb8cGgYep7RBditE_QAJnA60Ywn0IjQwf7mOo-rKd8AsSMmFIuA0WHZiX3AyZFj-nMq1gQ_GFWJeLylwsHf8Z2qSY5la0_yJOCR9uIEPbi5PONKpTJLoHN7G2d9MgLQo0CBM/s400/anxiety_by_missbecca.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5432354109562603714" /></a><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal">I should change the name of this blog to “The Obsessed One”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m once again (or still, rather) obsessing over everything.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Some of those are good, happy things, and some of them are just blah.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I guess I’ll get the blah out of the way first.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’d rather end on a happy note, when possible.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So one of my friends from UNI (the psych hospital I was in back in December) replied to an email I sent.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In our correspondence Alliance House was brought up, and I was reminded that I still haven’t checked into Alliance House as it was my goal to do.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Thinking about that brought up all the other goals that I made when I was in UNI that I still haven’t accomplished.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I mean, some of my goals I have met, but very few compared to how many I’ve just brushed aside, or become too overwhelmed to complete.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I’m going to list my goals (the ones I remember, at least), so that I can hold myself accountable to them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Here they are:</p> <p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1"></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol;"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman""> </span></span></span>Attend Family Therapy:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Okay, so this is one goal I obviously can’t complete by myself.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We went to one session while I was in UNI (I was absolutely shocked that my dad and brother showed up, as they swore they’d <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">never </i>go to a therapist.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It meant so much they did!) and we’ve been to one session since.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The problem is, that even though I keep trying to get my family to go to more sessions (they agreed to going to three outside of UNI), they keep making up excuses not to go.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess with this goal I can keep trying, but in the end it’s not just up to me to meet it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If my family won’t do it, then I’m just going to have to move on.</li><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol;"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman""> </span></span></span>Attend Individual Therapy:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Okay so I’ve had a few appointments scheduled, but missed them all.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Mostly because I was sick, which was a legitimate reason to miss the appointments.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So why haven’t I been since?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t know. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I keep making up excuses like, “I don’t have a ride there,” which is true, but I ought to find another way to get there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I just feel like such a burden on everyone anyway, that I hate asking for rides from people outside of my immediate family.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If that weren’t bad enough, living in Farmington now, I know zero people here, and everyone I do know lives in Bountiful and south from there, so taking me somewhere would be a long process, and I don’t want to put people out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then there’s public transportation. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I wouldn’t mind taking the bus, but the nearest bus stop is at the bottom of a huge hill.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Going down the hill wouldn’t be so bad, but going back up it would absolutely kill my back.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>*sigh*<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I just don’t know what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess the only thing I can do is keep trying, which I will.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I haven’t given up (completely) just yet.</li><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol;"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman""> </span></span></span>Go to <a href="http://www.alliancehouse.org/homepage.asp">Alliance House</a> / Research AH Programs:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><a href="http://www.alliancehouse.org/homepage.asp">Alliance House</a> is a non-profit agency that supplies various programs for adults that struggle with serious mental illness.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They offer things like social activities, job training, job placement, help with education, housing, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>AH has a lot of resources that could be very beneficial to me (if I ever get off my butt and get there).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They offer GED and high school diploma programs for free!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I never got either.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Because of my back problems I missed almost all of high school.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I did what they called “home-hospital” high school, but that was an absolute joke (I won’t even get into that today because I’ll just start ranting).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When I was 17 I enrolled in college, and went for a few semesters, but never got a degree or anything.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was getting high school credits as well as college credits when I was in college, but like I said, I never finished either.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>10 years later, and I still don’t have a complete high school or college education.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s really embarrassing for me to admit that.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don’t know why I never just went and took the GED test.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m sure I’d pass it first time.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess it’s just something I’ve put a mental block up against, and I became too scared to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Now I’ve got this great opportunity to finish my high school education through AH, and I just can’t pass it up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s high time I got my high school diploma.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Now I actually made the goal with one of my doctors (the one who drove me nuts), that I would have my GED (or at least take the test) by the end of January.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That’s not going to happen now.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Now I could just go in and take the test before the end of January, and I’d probably pass.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But here’s the thing, I just read today that people who get a GED can no longer get a high school diploma afterwards.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Not that it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">that</i> big of a deal to get a GED and not a diploma, but personally I’d rather have a diploma.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know that employers here in Utah don’t much care whether you have a GED or HS diploma, but I’ve heard from friends in other states that employers in other states do see them as different, and hire accordingly.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So on the chance that someday I may live in another state (that would actually be nice), I want to get my HS diploma rather than a GED.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Another cool thing about the AH diploma program is that you don’t have to do it in-class.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They just give you the study materials to take home, and do at your own pace, and then go back for testing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So that’s another of my goals that I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">must</i> complete!</li><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol;"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman""> </span></span></span>Find a new spine doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I actually have looked into this (amazingly enough), and think I’ve found the one I’m going to go with.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Previously I’ve been to the University of Utah Orthopedic Clinic (which is where I had two of my back surgeries), and they were really great.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I saw Dr. Braun there, who was amazing, but a few years ago he move out-of-state, so therefore I couldn’t see him anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Since then I just haven’t bothered to find a new doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The UofU Ortho Clinic is one of the best in the country, so I figured I’d go back there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I looked up the spinal doctors currently in practice there, and decided to go with <a href="http://healthcare.utah.edu/orthopaedics/aboutus/physicians/brodke.html">Dr. Brodke</a>. He seems to be the best candidate, and focuses on the aspects of spinalproblems that I have.</li></ul><p></p> <p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1"> those are just some of the things that I really need to get done.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Most of it involves just making some phone calls and scheduling appointments at first.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Even that is a pain though because I have to work around my family’s schedules so I can actually get places.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Oh, that reminds me…something else to add to my list is to get my driver’s license reinstated.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Since I haven’t had my own car (and rare access to a family members car), a couple of years ago I let my driver’s license lapse (just didn’t renew it).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Now that my brother says that I can use his car if I have a license and am insured, I need to renew my license.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Though then I need insurance.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Argh.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At one point my dad said he’d put me on his insurance and pay for it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Hopefully he’ll still go through with that.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Anyway, I should probably stop blogging, and go be productive and get things done.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That’s irony for you.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Truly,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ashley</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">OF THE DAY</span></p><p class="MsoNormal">Mood of the Day: Obsessive</p><p class="MsoNormal">Word of the Day: Erudite er·u·dite [er-yoo-dahyt, er-oo-] –adjective characterized by great knowledge; learned or scholarly: an erudite professor; an erudite commentary.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Quote of the Day: “Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again” ~ L. Frank Baum</p><p class="MsoNormal">Scripture of the Day: John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. </p><p class="MsoNormal">Song of the Day: "Blue Lips" by Regina Spektor <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grHiLRgbpIY">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grHiLRgbpIY</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Video of the Day: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_You_Got_Any_Castles%3F">Have You Got Any Castles</a> - An old animated short from Merrie Melodies. I remember seeing it as a child, and I loved it though it freaked me out. Enjoy. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4pdbgD5Q8Q&feature=PlayList&p=3C331F7BE15A9BDD&index=12">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4pdbgD5Q8Q&feature=PlayList&p=3C331F7BE15A9BDD&index=12</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Artist of the Day: Celso Junior - Bright, colorful graphic art. I often have his artwork as my desktop background. <a href="http://celsojunior.deviantart.com/">http://celsojunior.deviantart.com/</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Website of the Day: thredUP - a clothes-swapping website. This website is just in the beta stages, but it's an interesting concept! Trade clothes you don't wear or don't want anymore for clothes from people with the same predicament! They're just doing shirts right now, and unfortunately you don't get to pick exactly which clothing item you get (they do it for you), but they're working on changing that. Anyway, it's cool to check out!<a href="http://www.thredup.com/"> http://www.thredup.com/</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">How-To of the Day: I love steampunk! Modifying Welding Goggles into a Steam inspired look: <a href="http://www.instructables.com/id/Modifying-Welding-Goggles-into-a-Steam-inspired-lo/">http://www.instructables.com/id/Modifying-Welding-Goggles-into-a-Steam-inspired-lo/</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Wikipedia of the Day: The legend of the Thousand Oragami Cranes: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thousand_origami_cranes">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thousand_origami_cranes</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Blog of the Day: Freebies 2 Deals - Melea, a stay-at-home mom from Utah has a hobby of finding great deals and freebies, and shares them on her blog! I've gotten so much free stuff because of her! <a href="http://www.freebies2deals.com/">http://www.freebies2deals.com/</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Picture of the Day: Rain Princess by <a href="http://leonidafremov.deviantart.com/">Leonid Afremov</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div><img src="http://th01.deviantart.net/fs24/300W/f/2008/006/c/b/RAIN_PRINCESS_by_Leonidafremov.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" border="0" alt="" /></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-722232853383123712010-01-22T04:49:00.000-08:002010-02-03T02:54:39.771-08:00Overwhelmed<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkjGhSD_sWjLg-JVj969KPrAcNVpSpWOZR88bdivT8vhgoG23W-glZlDAOu8Sqbp2Ny6D_rkhiphEG94IjBw-Y3M0vVhe8MuQ1jIF6qk4c45qFa-zOo-UN4CfVWnyn5s_WuLiXJRT9JdI/s1600-h/Crazy_by_ellyrain.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkjGhSD_sWjLg-JVj969KPrAcNVpSpWOZR88bdivT8vhgoG23W-glZlDAOu8Sqbp2Ny6D_rkhiphEG94IjBw-Y3M0vVhe8MuQ1jIF6qk4c45qFa-zOo-UN4CfVWnyn5s_WuLiXJRT9JdI/s400/Crazy_by_ellyrain.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429756240383901938" /></a><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm trying desperately not to become overwhelmed (yet again.) Things are so crazy in my life right now, but then again, when are they not crazy? I guess crazy lives go hand in hand with crazy people?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div>There's so much that I want to do right now, so much that I want to accomplish, but once my mind starts going, it starts going a million miles a minute, and like I said, I become overwhelmed. It doesn't help that my ADD and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">OCD</span> are raging right now. Or perhaps one is a product of the other. Maybe I'm so overwhelmed because my ADD and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">OCD</span> are going off the charts, or perhaps my ADD (<a href="http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/index.shtml">Attention Deficit Disorder</a>) and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">OCD</span> (<a href="http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml">Obsessive Compulsive Disorder</a>) are in overdrive because I'm so overwhelmed. Either way, it's a vicious circle.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><img src="http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs20/f/2007/258/a/c/OCD_by_RADICALrandy.gif" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 99px; height: 56px;" border="0" alt="" /><div>Something that has become a dangerous trigger for me over the past several days is looking at <a href="http://www.deviantart.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">deviantart</span>.com</a>. Don't get me wrong, it's probably my favorite website, but it sets me into a crazy cycle. I'll start looking at artwork, and become absolutely obsessed with it. I can't just sit down and enjoy the artwork for what it is (I so wish I could). I look at it, and my brain starts going. I start getting inspired to create my own artwork, so I start thinking about what I could create. Then I start thinking about my own inadequacies as an artist, and start to feel disappointed and down because my own artwork could never be as good as whatever artist's work I happen to be looking at. So I start thinking about improving my skill by taking classes, or reading books, or reading or watching tutorials, or whatever. It leads to more and more obsessing until I feel like I am going to explode.</div><div><br /></div><div>The other thing about <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">deviantART</span> is that on profile pages it shows favorites of the person whose profile it is. So then I start looking at that artwork and reading about that artist, and then that artist has favorites, so I start looking at their favorites, and once again I get obsessive, and it never ends. I spend hours upon hours doing this, until I literally collapse. (Usually by the time I'm to this point I should have been in bed hours previously, so the collapse is usually into bed.)</div><div><br /></div><div>It's such cycles and obsessions that lead me to be overwhelmed, and unproductive. It doesn't matter how many intentions I have to being productive, in creating my own artwork or whatever the case may be, I just never get to it. That is because by the time I actually get around to actually accomplishing something, I'm far too tired, and far too overwhelmed and drained of energy to do anything but lay in bed and sleep, or watch TV. That leads to feelings of guilt because I'm not accomplishing anything, and in being unaccomplished I'm letting myself, and others down.</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy0rZSv2-1LjqNC5CJcpVR9REdwPamdzK2GQ4J6a-E6btWM6bTLY529OLQD_xbRMqW_FiTn7WSGZfmOe3xwCHGwPBHd3U6HnxaTTADF8SxGsZMpVUlcm4JPE0yY4n8bHP4KGCp4_3i1pY/s200/crazypills.jpg" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429554981997924706" /><div>This problem has been even worse over the past month, since my doctors changed up my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">meds</span>. These symptoms have increased a hundred fold, and I don't know how much longer I can handle it. I tried talking to my psychiatrist about the problem, but, well, I've found that psychiatrists don't particularly care to listen to their patients. They have such God-complexes that they think that they know everything, and that I, as a patient, know nothing. It pisses me off, but what can I do? I'm at their mercy. I'd switch psychiatrists, but I've seen three in the past month, and they, and others I've seen in the past, are all the same. I don't know. I guess I'll tell my psychiatrist once again about how severe the problem is getting, and hope he'll listen this time. I do understand that he wants me to hold out for a while to see if the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">meds</span> I'm on will work for me, but I don't know that I can survive it in the meantime. I'm going crazy here (okay, crazier, but still)! Maybe I'll ask him if he'll put me back on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Strattera</span>, an ADD med that I used to take that used to help quite a bit. I stopped taking it because I couldn't afford it anymore, and because I wasn't in school or working I didn't <i>have</i> to have it. I'm on a new prescription plan though, so I should be able to afford the med now. Hopefully I can get back on it, and it will help. I'll cross my fingers.</div><div><br /></div><div>One of the worst things I've realized in all of this, is that I think taking pain medications really helped dull the effects of my ADD and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">OCD</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Opioids</span> basically slow down brain function, and dulls everything. I think that's how I've been able to survive the effects of such severe ADD and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">OCD</span>, because for the past 5 years I haven't been feeling the effects so bad. Maybe that's why the</div><div> effects now feel so much worse than they used to before I was on constant pain <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">meds</span>. This kind of scares me though, because it makes me want (or even feel like I <i><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">ne</span></i><i>ed</i>) to go back on my pain <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">meds</span>, not only for my pain (which is increasingly severe, I'm afraid), but to dull the effects of ADD and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">OCD</span> once again. The problem with that is not only that that's not what pain medicines should be used for (though obviously if that were the only reason I had to take pain <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">meds</span>, I never would have), but that pain <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">meds</span> had so many bad side effects (addiction, dependency, damage to internal organs, bad effects to brain function, etc.) Also, it's been nice not being on pain <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">meds</span> for a few reasons such as having more energy, feeling like my mind is clearer, etc. I think I just need to find a happy balance somewhere. I just hope that it's possible to have a balance, and if there is, that I can find it. I pray that whatever the case is, that I can just get better. I don't know if I can handle it if I don't.</div><div><br /></div><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGNSF-nrfAIzgBnrfNhnJbl5r6Z844wnIU5vE7ZDLz0TECixaUivDQN3ieaoH_QisEDNdm6YjckmAV2LthG7_Xfe2Cn4XZKpi17hKaJAGRKn-9qmsq1NwMe0HwPXes_ANSLAABOnUbh9c/s320/BohemianCircus.jpg" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 198px; height: 320px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429549652721222082" /></div><div>Oh, and before I forget, I did want to mention that today when browsing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">deviantART</span> I discovered an AMAZING artist named <a href="http://www.myspace.com/nicolewestfantasyart">Nicole West</a>. She is a fantasy artist that works in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polymer_clay">polymer clay</a>. Her sculptures are some of the best I've seen, and of course in my favorite genre, fantasy. You can view her work here:</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.pbase.com/nicolewest">http://www.pbase.com/nicolewest</a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Or on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">deviantART</span> here:</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://wingdthing.deviantart.com/">http://wingdthing.deviantart.com/</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Or on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">MySpace</span> here:</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.myspace.com/nicolewestfantasyart">http://www.myspace.com/nicolewestfantasyart</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Well, I think I'm going to go find something to eat. Probably yogurt...I've been eating yogurt for two meals a day most days, which is really bad (for me), but it's yummy and doesn't require effort. I think in the months leading up to my gastric bypass surgery when I was losing quite a bit of weight on my own that eating yogurt with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Probiotic"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">probiotics</span></a> at least once a day really helped not only regulate my system, but I think it helped a lot with weight loss too. I can't recommend yogurt enough (I love <a href="http://www.activia.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Activia</span></a> personally) not only for weight loss, but for overall health. Which reminds me, I need to post some information that people have requested via my weight loss, and how I've lost so much (5 more pounds and I've lost 100 pounds!) I've got a lot of tips and tricks that people are interested in, and rightly so, and I just need to write them out. (Oh <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">yay</span>, something <i>else</i> to do. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">LOL</span>)</div><div><br /></div><div>So...I'm going to grab my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">foodish</span> stuffs, plop myself down in front of the computer again, and veg out playing stupid <a href="http://www.facebook.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Facebook</span></a> games to relax a while, then I'm going to go to bed. Ugh...it's a quarter after 5AM and I'm only now contemplating going to bed. Just goes to show how much my sleeping schedule is messed up. Anyway, I hope everyone is well. Peace.</div><div><br /></div><div>Regards,</div><div>Ashley</div><div><br /></div><div>P.S. I'm still working on my entry/story/report for <a href="http://ashleysatrium.blogspot.com/2010/01/getting-ready-for-no-pants-subway-ride.html">No Pants 2010</a>. It's turned into quite the story (though it's quite amusing, if I do say so myself), but I'll be posting it soon! (Though it's become yet another source of stress and being overwhelmed as I'm trying to get it done, and it keeps growing and turning into more...blah.)</div><div><br /></div><div>P.P.S. I used to do the "Friday Five" (<a href="http://community.livejournal.com/thefridayfive">http://community.livejournal.com/thefridayfive</a>) on my old blog, so I thought I'd do it again here. Seeing that it's Friday, it's once again time for the Friday Five.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Friday Five</span></div><div><br /></div><div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Villians</span>.</div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdC_vfyQlLF2wxIjoQbIIhUbRGXw7HomjsTJIuT2BmPw2gETm5rvZCi8-cpzfL37EqeefuE4TOtDix6hyphenhyphen9h7NLXLBHCsHhy8anXTrtSvZCbqBQehtk5SI-wW6vWNss06Xt-xh_Xmn78s/s200/the_queen_by_Emily_Exray.jpg" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 146px; height: 200px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429755163107555458" /><div>1. What's your name or alias? The Dark Queen</div><div>2. What are your abilities? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">Shapeshifting</span> and Mind Control.</div><div>3. What's your main goal as an all-powerful villain? To take over the world, one mind at a time.</div><div>4. By what means do you go about trying to accomplish this? <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Subtly</span> brainwashing people to do my bidding.</div><div>5. What's your fatal flaw or weakness? Over-confidence.</div><div><br /></div><div>BONUS: Describe or draw your preferred villainous attire. </div><div>Dark crimson and black <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">pvc</span>/latex with a lace-up bustier/corset, a long full skirt that's open in the front, revealing cheeky boy-shorts, thigh-high crimson and black striped stockings held up with a garter belt, over-the-knee lace-up stiletto leather boots, gobs of jewelry in black diamonds and rubies, black and crimson hair held up with gem-encrusted pins, dramatic dark makeup, holding a gem-encrusted scepter, all topped off by a queenly crown. (Okay, now I <i>definitely</i> have to draw this!)</div></div><div><br /></div><div>P.P.P.S. I'm initiating something in my blog that I used to do in previous blogs. I call it "Of the Day." It includes various things from moods to songs to websites that either fit my day, or that I found interesting that day and wanted to share. I'm not sure if I should put it at the beginning or ending of my blog (I used to put it at the beginning of each blog entry, but I think that might distract people and take them away from reading my blog.) What do you think? Either way, enjoy.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">OF THE DAY</span></div><div><br /></div><div>Mood of the Day: Overwhelmed</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Word of the Day: <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lagniappe">Lagniappe</a> (pronounced /ˈ<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">lænjæp</span>/, LAN-yap) is a small gift given to a customer by a merchant at the time of a purchase (such as a 13<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">th</span> donut when buying a dozen), or more broadly, "something given or obtained gratuitously or by way of good measure." The word is chiefly used in the Gulf Coast of the United States, especially Louisiana.</div><div><br /></div><div>Quote of the Day: "And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." - <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvia_Plath">Sylvia Plath</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Scripture of the Day: <a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/jer/17/9#9">Jeremiah 17:9</a> The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Song of the Day: "Strawberry Gashes" by <a href="http://www.jackoffjill.com/">Jack Off Jill</a> -<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CNbik4YCeI"> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CNbik4YCeI</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Video of the Day: Amazing huge model RC plane - <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmKdA6L_MWk">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmKdA6L_MWk</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Artist of the Day: Nicole West - <a href="http://www.pbase.com/nicolewest">http://www.pbase.com/nicolewest</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Website of the Day: <a href="http://www.swap-bot.com/">http://www.swap-bot.com/</a> - The easiest way to create and join swaps on the Internet.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Blog of the Day: All Things Crafty -<a href="http://mieljolie.blogspot.com/"> http://mieljolie.blogspot.com/</a> </div><div><br /></div><div>Picture of the Day: Ariel and Flounder by Claire Lena McKinley - <a href="http://meirou.deviantart.com/art/Ariel-and-Flounder-120588501">http://meirou.deviantart.com/art/</a><a href="http://meirou.deviantart.com/art/Ariel-and-Flounder-120588501">Ariel-and-Flounder-120588501</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPZ_y3cf85ABdx6zOlpFMm_WMuleAFCCMR1IVSS9t9lR6thW1dNfMGuK2onYuu2A0CHUP89lUVggtKQzEWf_3muTPW_Kf55L43A-Ifcj_nsm7o85tTzb5fo5kaTU_AdOqKztibkfUHWMQ/s400/ArielFlounder.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 261px; height: 400px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429551235263194162" /><div><br /></div>QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-54806943349591406142010-01-09T14:07:00.000-08:002010-02-03T02:56:43.585-08:00Getting Ready for No Pants Subway Ride 2010 - Salt Lake City<div>Current Mood: Anticipatory </div><div>Song of the Day: The Rockafeller Skank by Fatboy Slim (Dunno why, but I've had this song in my head all day!)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmsTwQb1csc"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-family:Arial;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmsTwQb1csc"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmsTwQb1csc</span></a></span></div><div>Quote of the Day: "Trying is having the intention to fail. You have to just say ‘do it.’" - From the movie "I Love You Man"</div><div><br /></div>So much going on right now! My life is in crazy-mode, but that's okay! I'm actually accomplishing some things, and that's absolutely awesome! Okay, so here's what's going on:<div><br /></div><div>Tomorrow (Sunday, January 10, 2009) is the No Pants subway ride event for Improv Everywhere. Once again I'm coordinating/hosting the event in Salt Lake City. This will be the third year that Salt Lake City has participated, and the third year that I've hosted it! To read more about the event, see our Facebook event page here:</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=268614741678&ref=ts">http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=268614741678&ref=ts</a></div><div><br /></div><div>I do have some concerns about this years event, however. First of all, I'm still terribly sick with tracheal bronchitis! Blah! I was sick for last years event, but somehow managed to survive. It's not the smartest thing to do when you're sick (it's not exactly a smart thing to do when you're healthy either, lol), but boy will it be fun! I'm not looking forward to standing outside freezing to death in my skivvies, breathing in the lovely inversion air. Ah well, it's worth it for the hilarity that shall ensue! </div><div><br /></div><div>My second concern about this years event is that it falls on a Sunday. Sunday's in Utah are notoriously quiet. That's because so many people here keep the Sabbath day holy (I usually do too, but I'm making an exception for No Pants [wow...I'm going to hell in a hand basket! lol].) So there won't be as many participants I'm sure, and there won't be as many spectators. But as I told our agents (we call the participants in Improv Everywhere/Improv SLC secret agents), think of how funny it will be if the majority of the people on the TRAX train cars aren't wearing pants! I can only imagine what the innocent bystanders will think! Their reactions are priceless, and make everything worth it!</div><div><br /></div><div>I even went out and bought some new clothing for the event. Since I've lost 90 pounds since last years event, none of my boy-short undies (which cover more) fit anymore. So I went out and bought some new ones that do fit (black with lace trim at the bottom), as well as some nylons to wear underneath (I got some flesh-colored ones that make it look like I don't have any on - but they sure help with the cold!) I also bought some cute trouser socks, because layers help keep the cold out! Oh! I also got some super cute "smokey" eyeshadow. Really pretty grays, blacks, and whites. It'll definitely look good with what I'm wearing! I'm sure I'll be in tons of pictures, so I'll post some after the event! </div><div><br /></div><div>So what else do I have to do? You name it, and it's on my "To Do" list. I need to finish applying for Social Security Disability (they seem to be asking for the same information over and over again, just in different formats...ugh, that's the government for you!) Then I have a gazillion doctors appointments this month (speaking of which, I need to write out some notes regarding what to ask the doctors about.) I need to finish unpacking my stuff and setting up my room as I've lived in our new house since October, and am still living mostly out of boxes! The thing that makes it difficult is that my room is tiny, and overflowing with boxes, so there's nowhere to move anything to. That, and I can't move the boxes by myself because of my back, so I have to wait until it's convienient for someone else to help me (which is rarely.) Mixed in with all of that, I may go to California to visit a friend next Wednesday. It would only be a day trip, but I've been wanting to go and see her forever! I fly free because my mom works for an airlines, so why not use that benefit? I don't use it very often (maybe once a year) because I don't have any money to do anything once I get to a destination, so what's the point? </div><div><br /></div><div>A more short-term "to-do" is to get ahold of the media for No Pants. Usually we don't inform the media, and they show up anyway. I figure this year I'll get ahold of them first, and put in some requests for them and how they should behave to help the event go off smootly. It's always interesting to see how the media portrays this event! Here's a page with some links to some of the media coverage of No Pants 2k8:</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://improveverywhere.ning.com/group/saltlakecity/forum/topics/1982446:Topic:26039">http://improveverywhere.ning.com/group/saltlakecity/forum/topics/1982446:Topic:26039</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, so I just took a time out from blogging to send off letters to the media. Yay, all done with that! I can now check it off my list. I'm a bit late in doing this, but oh well, at least I got it done! It's definitely one of my resolutions to complete things, and complete them on time (though finishing anything at all is amazing for me!) </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I'm going to go lay down and get some much needed rest. While I was out I rented the movie Penelope, which I have really been looking forward to seeing. I'll let you know how it is!</div><div><br /></div><div>Kindest Regards,</div><div>Ashley</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817851653113915225.post-67544162284214583642009-12-31T05:44:00.000-08:002010-01-07T06:52:09.376-08:00New Year, New Blog<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px; ">So here I am, once again resurecting my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>. This has been coming for a long time, but I just haven't sat down and actually done it. Yet another thing I've been procrastinating. Though I have to ask myself just why I'm procrastinating something like a <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>. I think it's because every time I start my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> up, I get so very deeply involved, and it becomes overwhelming. My OCD starts to kick in, and I feel like I HAVE to write about anything and everything that comes<br />to my mind. So I'm going to try not to do that this go-round.<br /><br />As we're headed into a new year, and a new decade, I'm also entering a new phase in my life. So much is changing (for the better, I hope!) in my life, and I'd like to keep track of the goings-on that I experience. I want to keep a record of my life, for myself, and perhaps for my progeny (though they might be scared to learn that they come from an ancestor such as myself!) This is something I've wanted to do for a while, though, and I'm committed to do it! I'm hoping to contribute to my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> at least a few times a week. If I don't keep up with that goal, you have my permission to smack me (softly!) upside the head.<br /><br />One of the reasons I really want to start my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> again, is one of the same reasons I've used every time I've started writing a <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>/journal/diary/whatever. That reason is because I NEED to. I have the need to write my thoughts down, express my feelings, and just get things down on paper (or virtual paper, as the case may be.) Another reason I have for starting up my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> again is that my therapist(s) keep telling me to journal. Therapists use "journal" as a verb. I've never met a therapist that didn't suggest journaling. The catch is, it works. The trick of it is actually doing it. Some<br />of the most important times to sit down and scrawl out ones feelings is when things get intense. It's when I'm most upset, sad, mad, whatever, that writing down what I'm feeling helps the most. However, most of the time, I don't feel like writing my thoughts down. I just feel like screaming, or crying, or whatever else. During those times I often try to convince myself to pause a moment and write down what I'm feeling. More often than not I'm too stubborn to do so. I'm trying to change that though, hence, this <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>.<br /><br />That brings me to a conundrum I'm facing. Should I be totally open and honest in this <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>? Should I keep some things private, or should I just bare my soul for all to witness? Should I write down everything, and then edit my writing before posting it to my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>?<br /><br />Most of the time when I've blogged I've been open about almost everything. Most of the time that was okay because most of my readers didn't know me personally. The few that did know me, well, I was okay with their knowing everything I'd written about. It happened a few times though, that people I knew came across my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>. Ocassionally<br />this caused some problems. For instance, my ex boyfriend found my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>, and found out that I still had feelings for him. It turned into a big drama when some of his friends got involved, and yeah...don't think it was a good thing. I mean, perhaps it was a good thing that he found out, but perhaps not.<br /><br />Then there were times I wrote about things like my sexual exploits. I wasn't graphic in my writings, but I did write about such private things that I probably shouldn't have. I guess I won't have that particular problem this go 'round since I'm not sexually active. But what about other private matters? Should my life be an open book? I've actually talked to my therapist about something similar. It used to be that I was an open book. I'd tell anyone anything, if they<br />asked; and sometimes when they didn't. My therapist said that's not healthy, or right. I can't remember exactly how she explained it. I'll have to ask her, and post about it. (If it's okay to post about it...maybe what my therapist says it too private? lol.)<br /><br />So onto other matters. You may be asking yourself (and I'm sure you're dieing to know), what this <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> is going to be about. Well, the answer is, everything. My thoughts, my ramblings, my interests, and whatever else I feel like writing about. I'll write about my daily life, what I'm experiencing, how I feel, etc. I'll also post about the things I do. That may be my artwork, a new recipe I've tried, or a new project I'm working on. I'll also be writing about things that I find interesting. Things like websites I find interesting, music or films I like, and other such things. I'll also write things to you, the reader. I may start discussions with you, ask questions or advice from you, etc. I'll even be doing fun things<br />like contests and giveaways. I'd also like to have some "guest writers" contribute to my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span>. So you see, reading my <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> will not only be entertaining, but rewarding! lol. Though uhm, if that's what you're here for, schwag, well then...alrighty. It doesn't really matter to me why you read. In fact, it doesn't really matter to me IF you, or anyone else for that matter, reads this <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> at all. I'm not writing this <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> for someone else; I'm writing it for myself. If<br />others find joy, entertainment, amusement, or anything else by reading this <span class="il" style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; -webkit-background-clip: initial; -webkit-background-origin: initial; background-color: rgb(196, 241, 244); background-position: initial initial; ">blog</span> (though please, no creepy reasons for reading), then that's all the better!<br /><br />So off we go, into the wild blue yonder. This should be an interesting journey.<br /><br />Are we having fun yet?!<br /><br />-Ashley</span>QueenQuillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448404586821233339noreply@blogger.com1